You Can Not Sit Idly By
by GazingUpAtTheMoon
Summary: She doesn't know how to live during a time of war. Doesn't know how not to worry about the people she loves every second of the day. But she must, and more importantly, she has to find a way to end it all. The battle between dark and light is calling to her, and Rey is helpless to answer it. Just as helpless as Ben Solo is. (Star Wars AU, Reylo, Rey/Poe, Finn, Luke Skywalker, more)
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: PLEASE READ **

_**Rey, ward of Luke Skywalker, thought all her worries in life had disappeared when she had been adopted by the benevolent man. Now, she lives on a manor, has a loving family and friends, and her biggest problem is trying to get out of the endless line of balls in her future. But war is on the horizon, one that threatens the peace of her home and of all those around her. And somehow, in the middle of it all, is Ben Solo, a boy she once thought she knew better than anyone in the world. But nothing is as it seems anymore, and Rey finds herself in a deceptive battle between light and dark.**_

 **Hey everyone! So new story, and a little different from my usual.**

 **To my returning followers, I apologize, I don't have anything OUAT or the 100 wise coming out soon. The muse just hasn't been singing for those ones lately. Though they are not forgotten! Never! I always fully intend to finish my stories, it's just a matter of the time it takes to do so. *nervous*laughter* (And it Must Be Magic fans, I'm thinking that's the next chapter that will come out!)**

 **Anyways, so we have a Star Wars story! My first one ever!**

 **Just the low down, Rey is the main character, the other major characters of the universe will and have been featured, and it's definitely an AU. The best way I can describe it, and bear with me here, is that it's Star Wars meets War and Peace. But like, not the plot of War and Peace. This is NOT an adaptation of that book. I'm just making that comparison because imagine that time era, the way people dressed/acted/what they cared about, and how the book focused both on their social lives and the war. That's what I'm aiming for with this story. And it's not exactly our Earth, but not the Star Wars universe either, just this made up land I created that uses the names of places in the Star Wars universe. Still with me?**

 **And oh yes, and this is a Reylo fic that will also feature Rey/Poe. There is a Rey/Finn friendship, but nothing more.**

 **Just please, give it a go, and tell me what you think. I'm super nervous about this and not really sure how people are going to respond. Reviews are really, truly. and always appreciated, no matter what. And I'm really going to need them for this one! Hope you like it!**

* * *

Though she has a loving and close knit family, and two friends who would do absolutely anything for her, Rey can't help but feel alone sometimes.

Which is selfish, she knows. That's why she never-ever-voices this fear to anyone. She knows-oh she knows- that she shouldn't feel this way. That the cold and cruel halls of the Jakku orphanage are long behind her and are nothing now but faint and nasty nightmares that sometimes choose to haunt her. That she hasn't had a empty stomach or dirty and smelly body in God knows how long. That she no longer needs to cry herself to sleep at night, because there is probably a line of people who would sit and stay with her until she finally dozed off.

Rey knows all of this with utmost certainty. And yet…

The loneliness just creeps up on her sometimes. When she's taking a stroll through the gardens, when she's listening to Luke lecture about some far off country, when it's just her and BB8 galloping through the valley like they don't have a care in the world.

In those moments she is once again that small little girl, her hair up in three tight buns, tears streaming down her face as she is screaming-begging-for those blurry faces not to leave her alone.

Luke has told her so many times before, she can't change the past. And Rey knows she can't. She can only learn from it, move on and grow stronger. But, as silly as it sounds, her mind can never move on from that nasty little truth.

You were abandoned once, and it can happen again.

Rey hates herself for not being able to see past such a horrid thing. Because the people in her life now would never-ever-abandon her. They love her. To say otherwise would be the most cruelest of insults.

And so, Rey suffers in silence.

She tells no one because she doesn't wish to offend anyone. To make them think she doubts their love in her or perhaps doubt the love she has for them. Thankfully, the moments don't last long.

Like now. She is curled up in the divan, a warm quilt over her and a open book forgotten by her side. The feeling had just happened upon her, brought on by the distant memory of always being cold and never having a quilt to warm her. So her attention drifted from the book and focused on the misery-on the loneliness-of it all, but she's been better at bringing herself back. Thinking about everyone close to her-that usually does the job.

So with a sigh, Rey banishes the thoughts away and reclaims the book.

She is not that lost little girl anymore.

Luke had saved her from such a cursed life. She'll never forget that blessed day, and that memory, more than the others, helps keep the misery at bay.

She had been outside, on the back property of the orphanage, minding her own business as the other kids played some game without her. They always played without her but she didn't mind much. The orphans at Jakku were more often than not snotty brats that would quicker push you to the ground and laugh then offer some real kind of friendship. Rey had been absently making a crown of small white flowers when a shadow fell upon her.

"What's that?" A tall boy named Gringo asked nastily. Not waiting for an answer, he dipped down and grabbed the crown from Rey, crushing and destroying it in the process.

"Don't!" She cried but it was too late. The thin vines snapped and the petals were smooshed in his fat sweaty palm.

Gringo just laughed and swiped it from his skin. "It was ugly anyway. Just like you weird girl."

By now all the kids were paying attention to the scene, and laughed at Gringo's insult.

Rey felt her cheeks grow hot but she knew better to fight back. She was smaller than Gringo, and though she was smarter, he would definitely do her some harm. So, silently, Rey stood up and turned to walk away.

"Hey! I'm not done talking to you weird girl!" His chubby hand grabbed her shoulder and roughly pulled, slamming Rey right onto her ass on the hard ground.

Again, the kids let out a round of laughter.

Now tears were pricking at her eyes.

"Look at your hair! It's so weird and ugly! What girl does her hair like that?"

 _That_ was the last straw. Her hair was the last thing-the only thing-she had from the family who left her here. She never did it any other way because of that lone fact. So Rey swallowed up her tears, calmed her trembling, and swiftly grabbed a stick laying right next to her.

Gringo didn't even have a chance to think as Rey, still sitting on the ground, swiveled in her position and swiped at his legs. They crumbled easily at the sheer force of the blow, and then his face was the one smashing into the ground.

The kids were now torn between shocked gasps and delighted giggles. They didn't necessarily like Rey, but that didn't mean they liked Gringo either.

Rey barely paid them any attention. She jumped to her feet before Gringo could even lift his cheek from the dirt, and shoved the stick right between the shoulder blades. The boy gasped at the pain but was unable to shrug her away.

"You're a mean boy!" Rey exclaimed, pushing the stick further down. "And I don't want you to come near me anymore!"

" _Rey!_ "

The whole yard went deathly silent. The headmistress, a shriveled up old woman with snow white hair and glasses that were about fives times the size of her beady eyes, was looking at Rey like she wanted to kill her. Which, considering she was the height of some of the children, was actually really scary. Her wrinkled and veiny hands were trembling with her contained anger.

The stick fell from Rey's hands. "I-"

"Don't!" The headmistress snapped. "Not a word. You are _always_ causing me trouble. And today of all days when we have a guest! To your room- _immediately!_ "

Rey didn't need to be told twice. She was well familiar with the blunt cane the headmistress used to punish children who disobeyed her.

Rey didn't even notice the man standing off to the side as she rushed back into the house.

It didn't take her long to find out though. She had been on her bed-not room, she didn't have a room (the headmistress was probably trying to look good)-for maybe ten minutes, her face crammed into the yellow white of her pillowcase- when she felt the rock hard mattress slightly dip.

"Hello there"

Her body tensed at the unfamiliar voice. The voice of a man no less. No men worked at the orphanage, just old crabby ladies who liked to hit kids more than smile at them. Was this the guest the headmistress had been speaking of?

Shakily, Rey raised her head to look at the stranger. His eyes were the first thing she saw. They were a bright, crystal blue she could never recall seeing on someone before. It was not their color that shocked her though, it was the kindness shining behind them. No one had ever looked at her like that, ever. It was wonderful and terrifying all at once. Then she took in the rest of his features, a oldish face-though not terribly so. Hair that was graying but that still had some shades of blonde here and there in it. His beard was finely cut, he looked very clean actually. Not exactly the kind of person who should be anywhere near Jakku.

"H-Hi" Rey replied, quiet and uncertain. What did he want with her?

"I'm Luke. Luke Skywalker. Well, Professor Skywalker if you want to be formal."

Rey looked at him oddly.

Luke chuckled. "I suppose none of that really matters to you. I hear your name is Rey?"

She nodded her head silently.

"Pleasure to meet you Rey. I saw what happened back outside with that boy."

Oh. So that's why he was here. The headmistress must have come up with some new kind of punishment. Was this man the one to beat her now? Was this kindness just all a act to catch her off guard? Well, Rey wasn't going to sit around and find out. She was off the bed and on her feet in seconds, backing away from the man.

"He was being mean to me," She exclaimed, though she knew no one cared about reasons or excuses at Jakku. "He was hurting me! I had to!"

Luke immediately put up his hands but made no other move toward her. "Hey, hey. I'm not here to yell at you or anything. I agree with you, that boy was being very unnecessarily cruel to you."

Rey stopped her retreat. So he wasn't here to punish her?

"Apparently this cruelty is a very common occurrence here. I just wanted to say I commend your bravery against him."

"C-Commend?"

"Oh, sorry. I, ah, _liked_ how you stood up to him. It was very brave of you. And you were very skilled with that stick. Though I don't really condone violence."

Rey didn't know the meaning of condone either, but the man was smiling at her, almost laughing actually, so she figured it wasn't anything that bad.

"Look Rey, I came here today looking for someone and I think I found her."

Rey cocked her head to the side in confusion.

Luke blew out a puff of air. "They call me one of the greatest minds in today's world yet I can barely speak to a child. Now I know how Han feels." He shook his head. "Nevermind, forget that. Rey, what I'm trying to say is, well, I was looking for someone to be apart of my family today. And I would really like that person to be you, if you wanted that is."

 _Oh_.

Rey had seen plenty of kids get adopted before her. She watched curiously, never with jealousy though, because she always had it in her head her family was going to come back for her. With that in mind, she prayed everyday that these other families would never want her. And her prayers had been answered, they never spared a second glance at her.

And now here was this man with his kind eyes who couldn't stop looking at her.

"I…" Rey grew suddenly nervous, unsure of what to say. She was ten now. The hope her family was going to come back for her grew dimmer with each passing day but it still was always there. "My family might come back from me," She blurted out, unable to look at him as she did. "I-I wouldn't want to them to worry if I wasn't here when they did."

"Of course," Luke said calmly, not at all angry like she expected. "I would hate for that too. So why don't we make a deal?"

"A deal?" Rey echoed.

Luke nodded. "You come home with me, okay? And I'll make it so that when your family comes back here for you, word gets sent to my manor immediately. And when that happens, I will bring you straight back here. How does that sound?"

That didn't sound bad at all, actually. This man must have money to be able to do such a thing. And waiting at Luke's _manor_ had to be better than Jakku. Anything had to better than Jakku.

So Rey had agreed and never seen Jakku again.

Of course, now years later, she knew the trick Luke had played. Well, not exactly a trick, but her adult mind now understood what her children's one never could. Her family was never coming back for her. Luke had know, but hadn't want to crush her childish hopes. Well, she had been right, he had always been a kind one.

"Rey!" A voice called, pulling her out of the memory.

Rey placed her book down. "In here!"

An instant later Finn appeared in the doorway, grinning madly at her. "Of course you're skulking in the some dark room while every other eligible girl in town is getting ready."

Rey rolled her eyes. "As if you know about any other eligible girls than myself."

Finn gasped and placed a hand on his heart. "You wound me! As I am a perfectly eligible gentleman, I am well familiar with other members of the fairer sex. _Not_ including you."

Finn had been her first ever real friend. Her second ever real human relationship after Luke as well. His family's manor was the closest to the Skywalker's, so their meeting was only a matter of time. And it being so close, Rey naturally couldn't help but try to explore its outer borders one day. It was an early morning in spring when she had come upon Finn alone in a empty field, the poor boy looking miserable as he stared absently at a violin in his hands.

"Hello" Rey called, nearly scaring him out of his skin. He almost jumped as high as a wild rabbit.

Apparently, Finn had run away from his house, more specifically, his violin lessons and forgot to leave the instrument there as he did.

"Who are you?" Finn asked hesitantly, even a little frightened, and eyed her up and down. He later told her he was trying to assess if she looked strong enough to hit him.

"Rey," She said happily. Happiness was easy to come by when away from Jakku. "Luke Skywalker's ward."

"Ward?" Finn brightened at the word. "Well, I'm a ward too. Lady Phasma's ward. We live over there." He nodded over his shoulder to the impressive looking mansion (though every mansion was impressive in Rey's eyes).

Lady Phasma, Rey learned over time, was one of the most accomplished woman in the country (of course, no one ever topping Leia). She was the only child of her father's and therefore inherited his whole steel business upon his death, and never married despite the social pressure to do so. She was very content with her life, and never saw the need of a partner to help her accomplish some kind of happiness she wasn't even missing. However, the desire of a child did eventually catch up with her. Still choosing to remain single and not giving a damn of whatever gossip it caused, she chose to adopt like Luke had. And so came Finn.

While both adoptions were born from love, the two relationships the wards had were very different. Lady Phasma was no Luke Skywalker, and Finn wasn't exactly use to the treatment Rey had grown accustomed to. Luke allowed Rey to find any outlet she deemed worthy of her time, while Lady Phasma pushed instruction after instruction on Finn, not caring if he liked them or not. Violin, obviously, was one of the latter examples.

Rey had helped him chuck the instrument in a nearby creek and the two had been friends ever since.

Finn had a crush on her once, even dared asked her to marry him when he was sixteen and she was fifteen, but Rey had never felt that way towards him. She had been barely used to making actual friends that her mind never even considered the idea of romantic prospects. The whole business had been rather embarrassing, but also very quick, and the two had been back to normal within a month. However, Luke and Hand, especially Han, never failed to tease them about it.

"Finn, you know how I detest these things."

Finn tutted at her. "Lady Skywalker, as a fine, _higher,_ member of society, it is your duty to attend such social gatherings. Whether you _detest_ them or not."

"Yes, but since it is _your_ mother hosting the gathering, and you and I are such _close_ friends, if you allowed my absence it would not seem like an insult."

"But I don't allow it!" Finn exclaimed. He strutted over to her and grasped her hands, tugging on them until she allowed him to pull her up. "So it would be an insult! Come on Rey, I know you hate them but you're being particularly difficult tonight. What's wrong?"

Rey bristled. Was she letting her unwanted mood sour the night? See the concern on her friend's, she sucked in a breath and plastered a bright smile on her own. "Nothing. I'm sorry, you're right. I'm being prickly. You know me, prickly Rey."

"No one calls you that."

"Sure they do, you don't know all my friends."

"Sure I do, since I make up about fifty percent of them."

"How rude of you to say Finn! Now you insult me!"

"Okay, okay, whatever you say Prickly Rey. Now please go upstairs and get ready. The party is in a half hour."

"A half hour! But I haven't' even started on my hair!"

Finn rolled his eyes and pushed her out the library door. "You're lucky I love you so much."

* * *

"And there she is," Luke smiled warmly as Rey descended down the staircase.

He and Finn were standing side by side, beaming at her as if she was the brightest star in the sky. She could never understand the utter affection they have for her, but she stopped questioning it long ago. Now she just accepted the way it warmed her blood and made her heart beast faster.

How could she ever feel lonely when there were times she felt like this?

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she did a little twirl for the two. "Acceptable?"

"Very much so," Finn grinned and held out his arm. "Now let's be off,"

Rey too it as Luke obliging draped her cloak over her shoulders. "You know, there was a time when I was the one to always escort her to parties."

Rey winked at him. "Don't worry old man, you're still the only man in my life."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Always the quick wit with you. It seems my curse in life is always to be surrounded by sarcastic young people."

"You love us," Finn grinned.

"Unfortunately, yes, I do."

* * *

If they could be called anything, Lady Phasma balls were always the most opulent. Brightly colored decorations lined every wall and table, so bright they almost glowed in certain lights. Likewise, the drinks were also the oddest of colors, imported from so far off place Rye could barely pronounce the name of, and two of them could knock anyone on their rump. The music was never slow and soft and the food always hot and spicy. Her parties was their guests up, about, and alive, and didn't care about he cost to have it so.

Honestly, Rey didn't even know why she had been so difficult. She always had fun at these celebrations, much more so than others she could list.

Her small group was taking in the happy spectacle, descending the grand staircase into the ballroom, when Rey noticed how tight Finn's arm was curled around her own.

Rey inspected her friend's face a little more closely, and saw a familiar vein beating on his forehead, and even the slightest bit of sweat though they had walked in mere minutes ago. "Finn, any particular reason you're so nervous?"

His eyes darted towards her. "Nervous? Me? Why do you say so?"

"It's me here. I can just tell. Now come, tell me."

His shoulders slumped slightly as he blew out a puff of air. "My mother is, well, _has been_ talking to me as of late…about, ah, a wife."

" _Wife?!_ "

"Rey hush!" They were still on the staircase, in front of everyone to see, and even Luke was looking at them oddly.

"Okay Rey?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, um, fine. Just," She glared at Finn, unhappy he had chosen at this moment to fill her in on something so big. "Need to talk to Finn, alone."

"Rey, we just got here-"

But she wasn't listening as she tugged Finn down the rest of the stairs, right past Luke, and off to the side of the ballroom where the lonely usually stood and waited for someone to pay them some attention.

"Explain, now."

"Geeze Rey, could we be less dramatic?" Finn tugged off her arm and straightened his suit. "Look, it's not a big deal. It was bound to happen eventually."

"You getting married? How so? It's not like you're interested in anyone, unless you're keeping that a secret from me too! And your mother, of all people, pressuring you to marry? No Finn, I did not see this coming."

"She's not exactly pressuring me Rey. We've just talked about it and I agree with her on this one. I need to find a wife and have an heir to keep running the family business. It's not like we're going to keep up some tradition of adopting wards."

"But you could!" Rey protested weakly.

"Rey, come now. My mother was opposed to the idea of a husband, but I'm not opposed to the idea of a wife. It would be…nice, to have someone like that in my life."

She swallowed thickly at the soft, vulnerable tone Finn had taken on. She hadn't known he had felt like this. For how long, the two of them had always scoffed at the idea of marriage. Who needed it? It was always more a political union than one made of love anyway, save a select few. Rey had always thought Finn felt the same way about it. But this? This wasn't some passing fancy. She could see it in his eyes. This was something he had always thought of.

"Why did you never tell me?" She asked quietly.

Finn shrugged. "Because I knew what you thought about marriage? Because it was never an issue until my last birthday? I'm 22 Rey. It's time." He squeezed her shoulder and gave her a tight smile. "Trust me, it's what I want." Then he was gone.

Rey couldn't begrudge him. It was his party after all. Finn couldn't stay stuck to the wall calming her irrational emotions. And why did it bother her so much? If Finn wanted to marry, then, as his friend, she should be in full support of it.

Then why did it hurt so much?

 _Abandonment_ a small voice whispered in her head. _They're leaving again_.

"No," Rey whispered, closing her eyes tightly and balling her fists. "No, they're not"

She couldn't let this voice worm its way into her head again. Not tonight.

She needed a drink.

* * *

"There's my beautiful niece."

Though she was on her third drink, the smile Rey gave was utterly genuine. She rushed forward into the open arms of her Aunt Leia, soaking in her beautiful familiar scent and warm embrace. Her hair, as usual, was done up in intricate fantastic braids, and her dress was a simple yet beautiful dark purple that reached all the way to the ground.

"Hello Aunt," Rey whispered into the crook of her neck. "You're the one who looks beautiful."

"Psh, you know how I feel about flattery" Leia pushed her back and grinned. "How have you been? You haven't visited in so long."

Rey really didn't want to think about the reason for that. She'd need another drink. Maybe two.

"I've been caught up in studies." Rey offered, knowing it was a good enough and believable excuse. "I've been taking up more of Luke's classes."

Leia rolled her eyes. "Always with his studies. I feel like I lost him forever when he stepped into that ancient university so long ago. Everyone else just took it for what it was, a pile of rubble."

"A hidden trove of knowledge," Luke corrected appearing behind his sister. He wrapped an arm around her waist and hugged, placing a kiss upon her cheek as he did. "Hello sister."

"Luke," Leia smiled affectionately. "I hear our girl has taken on some more of your classes?"

"Hungry for knowledge this one is." Luke beamed proudly, knocking Rey's shoulder with his own. "Just like me."

"That wasn't always you," Leia pointed out.

"Leia," Luke warned, his smile slightly faltering. Whenever the topic broached this way, towards the war that once happened so long ago, Luke always got a little more…somber. Of course Leia was just teasing him, and Rey always wished they would continue talking (because it was practically the only thing she did not know of Luke's past), they would always stop.

Leia shrugged, effectively dropping the subject, and scanned the crowd. "Seen my excuse of a husband around? I think I dropped him off by the drink table a while ago."

"I have not," Luke replied and took a sip of his drink. "When you find him let me know, I need to speak to him about something."

Leia raised an eyebrow. "Oh. What about?" The look on her face said she knew exactly what though.

Again, that hint of somberness tugged at Luke's face. He and his sister shared a look, and the infamous Skywalker conversation began to take place. Rey rolled her eyes as she had to witness it. The two twins did it at least always once at every meeting they had. They just grew silent, starred at each other with knowing looks, and had soundless conversations. It was a little infuriating since no one else ever knew what was going on, not even Han for how long he knew the two of them.

Finally, after eternity, the cheeriness dropped from Leia's face. "Luke" She said warningly.

"Just tell Han to find me," Luka interjected. He took a step back from her, raising his glass as a small farewell. "You and I can talk after."

As he disappeared into the crowd, Rey rounded on her Aunt. "Okay, that one, you have to fill me in on."

"Rey, Luke wouldn't want me to-"

"He never wants me to know. Please? I've noticed he's been tense lately and spending later nights at the university. I'm worried about him Leia."

She sighed but shook her head. "I'm sorry Rey. It's not my place."

"But Leia-"

"Hey kid!"

And speak of the devil, there was Han Solo. Looking rugged as ever but still as handsome as ever, he grasped Rey by her shoulders and pulled her into his chest to place a kiss on her head. "You're looking especially clean tonight."

Rey giggled and pushed him away. "Clean? Really?"

He shrugged with a grin. "Highest compliment I can pay. How the hell have you been? You barely come around to visit anymore!"

Nope, not talking or thinking about that one.

Rey shrugged. "Studying, it's a hard life."

"Not that you'd know," Leia chided with a smirk.

Han grinned at his wife and pulled her towards him by the waist. "This one, always singing my praises. Where's your brother?"

"Hiding from me. Said he wants to talk to you though."

"Gotta love Luke," Han murmured affectionately. "I'll find him,"

"Any chance you'll tell me what the big secret?" Rey inquired hopefully.

Han barked out a laugh. "And risk this one's wrath? Sorry kid."

"You know, you guys are being really unfair,"

Han leant forward and dropped his voice lower, "Mad at us or lover boy? Saw the little spat you two had walking in."

" _Not_ a spat and _not_ lover boy."

He gave a wink. "Whatever you say."

"Han leave her alone," Leia laughed and pulled him back to her. "Go enjoy the party Rey, don't hang around with us old condensing folk."

Perhaps that was the best idea, since they were only talking about secrets around her. The problem was, her list of people to hang out with was dwindling quickly. Finn was on the hunt for a wife and Luke, Leia, and Han were having some conversation over her head.

Which left…

No, he wasn't even back yet. He had left the country about a month ago, off to some urgent business in the North. Not that he would tell her or Finn what the business was, just that it was urgent. Rey rolled her eyes at the memory. Of course he charmed his way out of it, he always does, but now-after a while of no letters-Rey was starting to worry about him. It was this week he would have returned home. Perhaps he would be here tonight-perhaps….

Rey was suddenly looking all around the ballroom, trying to spot his familiar face. No doubt he'd been in the middle of some crowd, telling some colorful story as everyone held onto his every word. Or maybe dancing around the floor with the most beautiful woman in the room. Either was a believable option.

But yet she didn't see him. Rey felt her stomach drop. Not that she was basing her whole happiness on his presence here, but after everything that had already happened at this point…

"Such a beautiful face should not be marred by such an unpleasant frown, my lady," A voice whispered close to her ear.

Rey grinned.

"Dameron!" She exclaimed. She twirled around and blindly embraced him, feeling his laughter rumbling from his chest. "You idiot! Were you hiding from me on purpose?"

"Of course not! How dare you even think so!" He pulled backed and winked. "Just waiting for the opportune moment to surprise you is all,"

"Well mission accomplished. I was hoping you'd be here, I wasn't even sure when you were meant to return from your _secret_ mission."

"Always the dramatics Lady Skywalker," Poe gently grabbed her arm and began to lead her to two empty chairs. "It was hardly a s _ecret_ mission, just one where I couldn't tell you or anyone the specifics of. Now come sit with me and fill me in on everything I've missed."

Rey sighed as she took a seat. "Honestly, until a few hours ago I would have told you nothing. But now…"

"Now?" Poe prompted.

"Apparently, Finn wants to get married. _Has_ wanted to get married actually."

The news, however, did seem to faze Poe at all. His features barely twitched at the information. "Oh?"

"Oh? That's all you can say? What, have you known about this as well? Was I the only one in the dark?"

"Well, no. But I'm not surprised by it either. Why is it bothering you so?"

"Because! We're best friends and I never knew he wanted this!"

"Rey," Poe gently grasped her hands in his own. They were more calloused than she remembered, but still so warm. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I understand why Finn didn't tell you. We all know how you feel about marriage," Before she could protest he quickly shushed her. "Listen to me, please. I'm not trying to offend you, quite the contrary. I'm trying to commend you. You're so strong Rey, possibly the strongest woman I know. You can be quite, well, daunting at times."

"So Finn was _afraid_ to tell me?"

"Will you hush for five seconds? Maybe he was, I'm not sure. What I'm trying to say is, we admire your ability to be so independent. Finn especially. He's looked up to you Rey, always has. So I don't think he wanted to disappoint you by wanting something you never had."

"But…I'm his friend."

"Which means you'll get over this and support him in his wishes. Correct?"

Rey sighed. "I hate it when you're right."

"Not true. You'd hate me all the time then. And is this the _big_ news I've missed out on? I have to say I'm a little disappointed."

"Well, no, there's something else. Though I'm not exactly sure _what_ it is since no one will tell me."

"Talking in riddles. How exciting."

"Poe," They were still holding hands, for which Rey was thankful, for she needed his reassurance right now. "I feel like something is going on. Something big. Luke, Leia, and Han are keeping secrets, they're the ones talking in riddles. And they won't tell me at all what's it about. But Luke…he's been different. Worried. Luke is never worried. He is the most confident person I've ever known."

A frown tugged at Poe's lips. "Rey, perhaps you should be talking to them about this."

"But that's the point, they _won't_. I just-I don't know why all this is happening tonight, all this confusion and-"

"Rey," Poe said urgently. Then he was pulling her up and away, through the crowds, the laughter, the dancing, and the drinks. The bright lights and decorations became a blur in her eye sight, the alcohol flowing through her veins making her head feel like it was floating. They were going extremely fast, inappropriately so during a ball, but before Rey could protest darkness stamped out the lights and fresh air washed over her skin.

They were outside on the balcony.

"Poe, what on earth is going on?"

He pulled her further out onto the balcony, all the way until they were pressed up against the marble banister. The cold stone made Rey shiver further.

"Rey, you must keep a secret for me." Poe asked urgently, leaning his head down and bringing their clasped hands up to their chests. "I shouldn't tell you this, I really shouldn't. But I can't help it."

"What? What is it Poe?"

"War, Rey." Poe's voice hardened with an anger she had never seen in the man. Poe, always pleasant and charming Poe, angry?

"War?" Rey whispered, suddenly frightened and unsure.

"After years of peace, a peace your family helped ensure, someone threatens it all."

"Who?"

"They call themselves the First Order. Not much is known about them yet. Just whispers, rumors, horrible incidents that people can't properly explain. But we feel that the time is coming soon they are going to reveal themselves."

It was all too much information to process. War? The First Order? Her family? "Is that where you were?" Rey heard herself asking. "Your secret mission?"

Despite it all, Poe chuckled softly. "Making me sound so important. Yes, that was my business. I know this land quite well due to my family's trade routes. I was sent out for information, to find anything I could on the First Order."

"And were you successful?"

Ruefully, Poe shook his head. "Nothing substantial. They are quite…mysterious."

Angry and now upset? This must all be quite serious to make Poe both these things within moments. Rey untangled one her hands from Poe so she could reach up and gently cup his cheek. All she wanted to do was comfort him, to assure him it would all be better.

Though deep down, her own insecurities and fears were trying to climb to the surface.

"So this is what they're keeping from me. A war." Rey whispered.

He leant into her touch. "They're trying to protect you. I'd like to do the same."

"But you're forgetting, I want to protect you all as well."

He smiled at that. "Always so independent. It's what I love about you."

"Always the charmer."

"Rey," His tone grew serious again and Rey was afraid to meet his eyes. What would he say this time? But she did, titling her head up to look up at him. Her eyes darted to her hand, still firm against his cheek, and she went to remove it but Poe halted her. He placed his right hand over hers, and then gently brought her left hand to splay against his chest. "I'm serious. I do…love that about you."

"Poe," She said a little breathlessly. The way he said _love_ ….it wasn't quite like how he said it before.

"I don't know if it's because Finn has finally found the courage to go out and look for someone. That I've been gone for so long. That…that war may be on the horizon. But Rey, when I saw you tonight….I just…I always-"

No. It was too much. Rey couldn't think properly. She just learned war might be coming. She couldn't…couldn't even _process_ that Poe might, that he would ever….God, had she always been so blind when it came to her friends? First Finn, now Poe? How could she have never noticed their true desires? How could she be so stupid?

And why would he think _now_ was a good time to tell her he was in love with her?

"I can't do this," Rey all but shouted, detangling herself from him and hastily stepping back. She nearly tripped on her dress but thankfully stayed up right and thankfully Poe did not follow after her. He looked hurt, of course, but a little resigned like…like he knew this was how she was going to react. Like he always knew.

"Try not to think too harshly of me tomorrow." He said quietly-sadly even though he was smiling. "The prospect of everything to come and from being from home for so long, it-it gave me a bit of foolish bravery I suppose."

"Poe it's…it's just a lot right now."

"No, I understand. It was unfair of me."

"I just, need to think-talk to Luke about-"

"Rey, its fine. Go."

She nodded her head and turned around, swiftly heading back into the ballroom.

Upon reentering, Rey noticed Finn twirling around the dance floor with a young lady she did not know. He was smiling that unabashed smile she loved him for, the kind of smile someone makes when they have absolutely no care in the world. She hoped the girl saw how much of a great man he was.

But she couldn't worry about that now.

Rey scanned the room for her family, knowing they would probably be together and discussing the news she had just learned. She was a mix of emotions now, but confusion and anger were at the forefront. She was angry at herself, at everyone. It was…a lot to process, to try and figure out. She just needed Luke. Luke always helped her.

Wait, there. There he was. A little past the dessert table, up against the wall, Luke was having a heated conversation with his sister. Han was with them, and looking like he was trying to get in on it every now and then, but one of the Skywalkers kept snapping at him. That, of course, wasn't making Lord Solo look all that calm.

Rey started heading toward them, knowing her questions probably wouldn't help the situation at all, but knowing she still had to ask them.

She was so close, she could see Luke's tired sigh, Leia's narrowed eyes, and Han's slumped shoulders. War. They were talking about war. War was coming.

 _War._

Rey was just about to reach them, was sure Luke had already noticed her and was turning his tired to hers with an excuse at the tip of his tongue, when the last thing anyone could have expected happened.

But with the day Rey was having, how could _this_ not happen, to top everything off?

The band just happened to have stopped their song at that point, were in the process of beginning their next, and people were catching their breath amidst all the general merriment.

And honestly, he was always dramatic when it came to things like these. Of course he would slam the doors to the ballroom open so roughly that they would nearly fall off their hinges as they banged against the wall. Of course it would echo through the ballroom, drawing the attention of nearly everyone there.

Of course.

There, at the top of the staircase, and the center of everyone's attention, was Ben Solo.

Had she been holding a drink, Rey would have dropped it.

Naturally, everyone had to keep going on like nothing odd had happened. It was still a ball after all. They had to act like the only child, _the heir,_ of the Solo family, who had been gone for nearly _a year_ , hadn't just walked in.

They had to go back to acting normal, but that didn't mean they couldn't gossip.

Rey watched, frozen, as Ben stalked down the stairs. His eyes roamed around the room, barely taken in the faces starring up at him but giving out a look of complete indifference. He was all in black, fashionable attire fit for someone in his position, but still, all black. He looked ready for a funeral. He was obviously looking for his family, he wouldn't care to speak to anyone else, but even then-he sometimes didn't even care to even speak to _them_.

A year, Ben had been gone. A year, since he up and left his manor without so much of a goodbye to anyone. A year of silence, unanswered letters, of worries and fears, and so many questions without answers.

Rey still couldn't move. She was making herself an easy target, she knew, and more than anything she didn't want Ben to see her. But she just couldn't find it in her to do it, not even an inch. Not even enough to grab a fan maybe, and shield her face.

Because all of a sudden it was a year ago, to a month-or had it been two?-before Ben disappeared. She had been in the library at the Solo Manor, and it had been a late afternoon in the coldest part of the winter.

Rye had been staying there, indefinitely, as she often did when it came to her relatives. Luke had been away anyway, travelling in the South giving lectures.

Han and Leia were out, off on some business that they hadn't filled her in on, and in a fit of boredom Rey had opened their liquor cabinet. She had called on both Finn and Poe to visit it her but they both declined due to the weather and Ben was God knows where. Though she didn't care, really, since things between she and her "cousin" were tense as of late.

He was grumpier than usual, keeping to himself and shutting the others out. Even her, the person he was most closest to. At least, that's what she had always believed.

So here she was, cold, drunk, and in the dark library without any intention to read.

And then she rounded a corner, and there had been Ben.

Rey gasped and shook her head. No, do not go back there. She was here, now, in the ballroom of the Phasma Manor, and so was Ben.

And he had saw her.

His eyes were trained on her, dark and broody as usual, but unrelenting and no longer indifferent. He was done with his descent and paused for a moment, as if he was going to make his way over to her.

She tensed at the prospect.

But no, that's not what he wanted. Ben's eyes darted to his family, to his real intent. Whatever he was here for, it wasn't for her. So he gave one last sparring glance at Rey, and then turned to his real focus. And Rey finally found her legs. As Ben walked over to the Skywalkers and Solos, so did Rey.

And they made it to them at the same time.

"Mother, Father, Uncle" Ben greeted coolly, coldly. And, without looking at Rey, "Rey"

No cousin then. Good, she wished he would never call her that again.

"Ben," Han breathed. His hands rose then fell, unsure what to do, how to greet his long lost son. What was okay and what was not.

Leia stepped forward though, looking just uncertain as her husband but willing to risk an offense just to be close to him. "It's been…so long" She whispered. Her small hands rose up and all but brushed against Ben's cheeks before he pulled away.

Everyone flinched at the motion.

"Why are you here Ben?" Luke asked quietly. He didn't look hesitant like the others, just…hurt.

Ben looked at his Father once more, than his Mother, before turning to Luke (but not Rey, not even a glance at Rey). "To warn you," He said simply. "They're coming"


	2. Chapter 2

**_Authors Note:_** ** _You guys are awesome! Reviews are so much appreciated and I'm happy you're enjoying this so far! This chapter sheds some light on where Ben has been this past year, but still doesn't fully reveal the whole sinister plan in place. You're going to learn all about that at the same infuriating pace Rey does (sorry!). Also not fully telling you what went down between Rey and Ben before he left either, so bear with me! Slow burn guys, even if it kills us!_**

* * *

 _Ben looked at his Father once more, than his Mother, before turning to Luke (but not Rey, not even a glance at Rey). "To warn you," He said simply. "They're coming"_

Rey rolled over on the bed, willing sleep to come to her.

" _Who is coming?" Leia asked, her voice high with an unfamiliar emotion. It was fear. Han comfortingly grabbed her shoulder._

Sweat began to pool on her back, making her quest to sleep all the more uncomfortable. The windows were open, but weren't helping, and she was even wearing her skimpiest nightgown. But she still couldn't sleep.

 _Ben looked slowly to his mother. "You know who. They're coming for you, for all of us."_

" _How? When?" Luke demanded._

Rey groaned loudly and slammed her fists down on the mattress. Why had he come back? Why in such a dramatic manner? Couldn't he have told everyone the news in the privacy of their own homes and not some ball?

But that really wasn't what was bothering here. No, what was really keeping her up, was Ben's mysterious part in all this.

" _I don't know exactly when or how. I just know they're going to strike, soon."_

 _Han narrowed his eyes at his son. "And how, exactly, do you know all this Ben?"_

 _Finally, a bit of human emotion entered the young Solo's face. His cold indifference faltered, if only for a minute, and the grim line of his lips curved downward. "Because…I was with them, for some time."_

" _With them?" Leia exclaimed. "What does that even mean?"_

" _We should leave," Luka advised and Rey felt his hand at her elbow. "We shouldn't be discussing this here."_

Rey rose from the bed and rubbed her eyes. It was still too late, but at the same time too early, and she was unsure what to do. An irrational- _extremely irrational_ -part of her felt like going to the stables and preparing BB8. To saddle him up and head straight to the Solo manor and demanded answers of the youngest family member.

He never enjoyed sleeping and, though she wasn't entirely sure, Rey would bet her soul that Ben was up and awake just like her.

 _Rey knew she should have been quiet and let Luke lead her out of the ballroom. But Ben's presence, her own confusion over everything, had her heeled feet glued to the tiled floor. "Poe said we were going to war," She heard herself saying. "That people called the First Order were going to go to war with us."_

 _Ben's eyes snapped towards her. "What does he know?" He demanded, his voice blatantly cruel. "Tell me, now."_

" _Are you serious?" Rey asked incredulously._

" _The two of you, enough." Han ordered and now he was grasping his son by the shoulder. And he was not being gentle. "We're leaving, now."_

But despite their departure from the ball, the conversation Rey thought was going to happen, didn't. Luke sent Rey home, despite her protests, while he left with the Solos to their manor. So, technically, the conversation did happen-just without her.

She'd been trying to sleep ever since.

Luke had come how after four long hours, she heard the horse in front of the manor and the front door slam shortly after. But she hadn't gone down stairs to face him. She had been too mad, too drunk, and too exhausted-not tired apparently, just exhausted.

But now she was restless. And so confused. No one had given her answers tonight, just way too many questions.

Rey groaned.

It was going to be an extremely long night.

Luke was sitting at the dining room table the next morning when Rey, grumpy and bleary eyed, emerged for breakfast. There was a full plate of food forgotten in front of him, and a newspaper that wasn't opened. Rey noticed his hands, curled into fists, placed calmly-too calmly-against the oak wood.

"Good morning," Rey greeted hesitantly. Per usual, she took the seat to his left.

"Morning," Luke replied, not exactly looking at her. "Sleep well?"

"No, not really. There was a lot on my mind."

"Understandably so."

Rey sighed. "Is that all you're going to say to me?"

"For the time being, yes."

"Luke, that isn't fair-"

"Rey," He interrupted and his tone made her flinch. Luke never took such a stern manner with her. "Not now."

Any other day, she would have remained silent. Eaten her breakfast and then left the table to go read a book or ride with BB8. But not today, not after the night she had.

"You can't keep me in the dark. I'm not a child. If war is coming I have every right to know."

Luke closed his eyes. "Rey, there are things you don't understand-"

"Then tell me!" She demanded, jumping from her seat and all but banging her fists against the table. "Help me understand!"

Luke turned his weary eyes on her. "Not when you're acting like this."

"Like what?!"

"A _child_."

Rey let out a groan. "You're impossible! And you know what, if you're not going to give me answers, I'll find someone who will." She turned her back on him then, her hair whipping against her face by the force of the motion. She was just so _mad_. She couldn't think straight she was so angry.

Later, Rey would blame her pumping blood and pounding heart for the foolish decision. And the fact that Luke, who had always treated her and spoken to her like an adult, was shutting her out. No other reasons would make her go to _him_ for answers.

Rey was in the stables preparing BB8 when Luke rushed in after her.

"Don't go. Not to him." He pleaded, not even needing her to say where her destination-or rather, _who_ her destination was.

"Why not?" She asked curtly, fastening the belt on BB8's rustic white belly.

"Because we don't know where Ben stands right now!"

"Stands in a war I don't know anything about? I guess that makes no difference to me does it?"

" _Rey_ " Luke intoned. He reached forward and grabbed her hands, making her pause her frantic actions. "Please, trust me. I will tell you everything in due time, I just…I need more information first."

 _That_ was the wrong answer.

Rey pulled her hands from his. "If you're waiting for information, that means you're strategizing what to tell me, and what not to tell me. I don't need half truths Luke."

His blues eyes shown with desperation. "Trust that everything I do, I do for your own good."

Rey couldn't look at him, not when he was looking at her like that. He might actually convince her to stay if she dared glance up. She shook her head and grasped her horse's saddle. "I'm sorry, but that's not good enough right now."

The Solo manor, only a fifteen minute ride away, was the finest in the country. It had large, massive walls made of fine marble and brick that looked like they belonged more to a fortress than a family's home. And while it was extremely daunting looking, the inside differed greatly from the out.

Looking at the manor, you would think its occupants were getting ready for war. But inside, it was like a museum. Han, in his day, had been a world traveler and was more often gone from home than there. Naturally, he had accumulated a mass of souvenirs from the various places he had been. Marrying Leia had slowed him down somewhat, but there were still certain times of the year Rey would expect to not see her Uncle for long periods of time.

You could definitely call the inside messy, but Leia Solo lived there as well and she definitely prized fine order and beauty. So the manor, in a way, was split in two, some rooms overflowing with different odd objects while others were fit to host kings and queens.

It had always been like some fun game to Rey. She loved exploring the manor, seeing what she could find, who she could pretend to be, or where she could pretend to be. Ben was never really into such games and would rather hole himself up in the library or training grounds. But, once in a while, even more than once if she was being particularly devious, Rey could get him to play with her.

But now was no game. And she needed to convince him of something much more important.

As Rey rode up the large yawn, she noticed the usual lively shrubbery was looking a bit off. Perhaps, _unattended_ was a better description. Which was odd, since she knew the Solos employed gardeners to attend to such matters. But the plants either looked to be wilting, and in desperate need of water, or wild, and in want of some much needed trimming. And the usual fountain, placed right in the center of the yard with three large marble layers that were known to always overflow with clear, cold water, was quiet and still today.

Rey frowned, but kept on her way.

"Lady Skywalker, what a pleasure to see you!" C3PO, the family butler, greeted her brightly from the other side of the front door. "We were not expecting you today!" He obliging stepped to the side and swept his arm for her to enter.

"Ah, surprise visit I suppose," Rey answered distractedly, looking around to see if anyone else was coming to greet her. "Who is home 3PO?"

The butler promptly closed the door and faced her with his usual polite smile and perfect posture. "I'm afraid Lord and Lady Solo left some time ago on some business. Young Master Solo, however, is in his room. Would you like me to announce you?"

"Oh no, um, I'll just go up myself. As, ah, a surprise." She hoped her smile was convincing enough.

3PO nodded his head. "If you deem it fit Miss. I will be quite tight lipped on the matter!"

"Thank you 3PO! I owe you!" And before he could answer her, because he undoubtedly had something else to say, Rey spun on her heel and began climbing the stairs.

It was massive home with an abundance of rooms, but Ben's was quite easy to find. It was the closest to the stairs, due to his own request when he was old enough to even ask for such a thing. His parent's room was a bit deeper in, and his had originally been placed right next to it, so the change was partly due to that fact. But the main reason, Ben grudgingly admitted to her one day, was that it was the only room that didn't have trees obscuring his view of the night sky.

It only took seconds for Rey to be in front of the large, white and gold trimmed door. She raised her hand and hesitated, questioning if she really needed answers so bad that she couldn't wait for Luke.

But even if she did wait, there was always the worry Luke would keep things he didn't deem "safe" for her. With that in mind, Rey rapped quickly against the wood.

No one answered at first. And when she knocked again, still no one answered. While Ben was quiet sneaky, C3PO was very efficient. If he said Ben was in his room, then Ben was in his room. Which meant he was ignoring her, because there was no way he was still sleeping.

"Ben," Rey growled, turning the door open. "Don't you dare ignore me."

The room was different from when she had last been in it. Which, thinking about it, was basically a year ago. There was less…things. Personal, decorative things a person naturally accumulated over the years to decorate their personal living space with. Ben's room now was barren, empty of anything personal save books lining his shelves, and closed notebooks on his desk. His bed was made, as it always was when he wasn't in it, and the curtains pulled back to let the morning light in.

Rey frowned at the emptiness of it all.

Ben had the desk chair pulled over to the window and was sitting on it quietly as he gazed out the pane. He didn't even turn to greet her.

"Ben," Rey growled.

"Rey," he replied back, still not moving. "What do I owe the pleasure?"

She slammed the bedroom door behind her, and got even more infuriated when it didn't even cause him to flinch. "I think you know."

"Actually," His head moved a fraction of an inch, just so he could give her a sparring glance. "You could be here for quite a number of reasons. So you are going to have to be specific."

Rey almost flushed at the implication, at the memory of that night in the library, but she thankfully kept it at bay. "I want to know about this war and the First Order."

"And Uncle won't tell you?"

"No, he won't."

"So what makes you think I will?"

"Enough!" Rey strode forward and placed herself directly in front of him, blocking his incessant sky gazing. "I don't know why you're acting like this and I frankly don't care. Just tell me what I want to know and I'll be on my way."

"Tough, strong Rey, always running headfirst into a fight." Ben mocked.

"Why did Luke say we don't know where you stand in all this Ben?" Rey demanded in response, wanting to hurt him like he was doing to her. "How do you know anything about the First Order?"

His eyes flashed dangerously. "You wouldn't understand."

"If one person tells me that one more time-"

"Well it's true. You come over here, demanding answers from me, when the last time we saw each other you all but ordered me out of your life!"

"If I recall, _you_ were the one telling _me_ you were leaving!"

He jumped up from the chair, and knocked it over in the process. "Go home Rey. I don't want to talk to you."

"Well too bad, you're going to."

"This, all of this, is much bigger than you and I."

She couldn't help herself if she tried. She was just so damn infuriated. Rey's hands shot out and pushed hard against Ben's chest. He staggered back only a few steps, as he was much larger than her, and gave both a nasty and surprised look. "How very mature of you."

"I can't help acting like a child if everyone treats me like one!" She exclaimed. "Let's start with an easy one, where have you been the past year?"

Ben shook his head. "If only you knew that is most certainly _not_ an easy question."

" _Ben_ "

"Naboo, at first." He gritted out, probably just to stop her increasing anger and frustration. If she lashed out again, it wasn't going to be a simple shove to the chest. "I visited the old home of my grandmother."

Lady Padme Amidala had once been duchess of the Southern land of Naboo. It was a picturesque country located right along the coast, with large swelling valleys of green, lush grass and beautiful plant life. The people were peaceful, and affluent, and every home looked like they could house royalty. Before the scandal came out of Padme's affair, she had been the youngest duchess in the history of the land. She had been kind, beautiful, benevolent, and anything anyone would ever want of a woman of her station.

Her story than, was always considered a tragedy.

Her once home was currently in possession of the present Duke and Duchess of Naboo with no ties, or claim of ownership, to any member of the Solo or Skywalker family.

"They let you come in?" Rey inquired, not exactly knowing the current Duke and Duchess, but knowing they were under no obligation to acquiesce to Ben's request.

He nodded. "Yes, and stay for how long as I wanted. My family may have no claim to the home, but they respect my mother and father regardless."

"So you were in Naboo just doing what exactly?"

He shrugged a bit helplessly. "Nothing really. Visiting other families, and at night, well…I wasn't really in a good state of mind if you can recall."

No, she'd rather not.

"My late night visits to some unsavory places, though, cut my trip short. The Duke and Duchess discreetly told me it was time to go."

"So then what happened?" Rey prodded.

Ben sighed and bent down, grabbing the chair to right it. "Well, while still in Naboo, and before I was told to go, I met someone. A man by the name of Hux. He was…interesting."

"How so?"

"Well, he was very generous with his wallet. If someone is constantly buying you drinks and seats at card games, you don't ask a lot of questions. And I didn't, at first, and neither did he. I thought he was a generally kind-or perhaps, bored man. Until one night…" Ben sighed and closed his eyes as some memory came to him.

When he didn't continue right away, Rey asked a little impatiently, "One night what? What happened?"

Eyes still closed, Ben blindly sat back down on the chair. He looked so tired. "Rey…I have a headache."

"No, you're not getting out of this. On with your story."

"He asked me about my family." He spat out. "Nothing substantial or suspicious. And I should have seen it coming since _everyone_ knows who my parents and uncle are. It wasn't like I was hiding who I was either. So it was innocent, at first. What they were up to now a days, questions about the war from long ago and their part in it. Nothing I wasn't used to."

"I'm waiting for when things go wrong here."

He glared at her. "That happened after I was told to leave. It was all rather abrupt, too late in the day, so I was going to spend one more night in an Inn and then leave the next day. Which meant I spent one more night hitting my local haunts. I ran into Hux and told him what had happened. Apparently he was leaving the next day as well, to Mustafar, and asked if I would like to accompany him."

"Mustafar?" Rey exclaimed. "Why would you ever want to go there?"

Full of dry and barren mountains in the East, Mustafar was nothing but a wasteland. Years ago, before the war their parents fought in, it had once been a great mining land, bountiful with gems and coal. It had been sucked dry though, used to its breaking point, and now was completely useless. Today, it was filled with nothing but vagabonds, criminals, and other unsavory sorts.

Someone like Ben Solo shouldn't have even been a mile within its vicinity.

"Because I had nowhere else to go Rey." He answered tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I didn't want to come back here nor anywhere else I could run into any of the family. I needed to be away from….everyone."

He hadn't needed to say _her_. Rey knew he meant it.

"And Tatooine, though certainly a good place to disappear for a while, was out of the question. It was much too far for someone on my budget. So here was this man, seemingly harmless and offering to pay every expense, so of course I said yes."

Rey had the sudden urge to sit as well, but didn't want to go anywhere _near_ the bed. So she settled with leaning against the window sill. "So what happened at Mustafar?"

"A lot of me passing out, to be honest." Ben admitted, and with some shame, Rey noted with satisfaction. "But then Hux introduced me to…Snoke."

"Snoke?" Rey echoed, the name bitter on her tongue.

Ben nodded. "A man of wealth, but no title. Powerful, yet not having the kind of power people of status we know to have. Interested in politics, but not really having a hand in them. That was Snoke in a nutshell, half this and half that, never completely anything. Always in…shadows."

"Ben," Rey whispered. "What did he do to you?"

He swallowed thickly and his hands, lifeless at his sides, slowly squeezed into fists. "Nothing I didn't let him do."

"Ben," Rey pleaded, no longer bearing to dance around what had to be the important issue at hand. She fell to her knees in front of him, not caring how it made her look. She needed to know what was going on. Needed to know about the war, about this Snoke. Needed to know how this man made Ben look so sad and so angry at the same time. "Please, tell me what happened."

Ben looked at her, but it looked like he was seeing straight through her. Seeing someone or something that wasn't there, something that was miles away. "I told him things Rey," He whispered, strained and defeated. "About our country, the ins and out of it. Who was important and who wasn't. About my parents, about Luke, about me…about you."

"Me? What would he want to know about me? I'm no one."

"To him you weren't."

"What did you tell him Ben?" Rey demanded.

"It was so hard to remember the earlier days," He explained. "I wasn't in a good state of mind. You _know_ I wasn't. I was angry, sad, confused…I hated the world and I just needed-"

"Needed what?" Rey snapped and promptly rose to her feet. She didn't care how upset Ben appeared to be. She didn't care that when he had left a year ago, he _had_ been in a very bad way. It wasn't an excuse for _this_. "Someone to _whine_ to? To pour your heart out to? Why would you ever tell some _stranger_ about us? Your _family_?"

"How do you not understand?" Ben asked, too quiet for her liking. "I thought, of everyone, you would understand."

She wanted to smack him, not empathize with him. "What did this Snoke do with the information Ben? Why did Luke say we weren't sure what side you were on?"

"Because what Snoke wants, what he stands for…I believed in it. That maybe it all started out with me being drunk and desperate and just _fucking wanting someone to listen_ but then I-he made sense to me."

" _What_ sense? _What_ does he want?"

" _To end this all_!" Ben exclaimed. "This Lord and Lady _bullshit_. This social hierarchy of _hypocrisy_! My grandmother who lost _everything_ because she loved a man _below her_ station! That one person is better than another person just because they so happened to be born at the right time and place."

Rey blinked. Once. Twice. And then she had to replay his words again, just to make sure she was getting it right. "So…" She began, slowly, unsurely. "Let me make sure I heard you correctly. This…Snoke…is upset he's not a Lord. And has some thing against people with titles. So he's starting… _a war_? A _war_ where people will _fight and die_ and this makes _sense_ to you?!"

Ben shook his head. "You're not-it's not just that. You make it sound so frivolous-"

"Because it is! Ben do you hear yourself right now? This can't be it. There must be something else-"

Ben reached up and ran a hand shakily through his hair. "I can't talk to you about this Rey. You should go."

"What about the First Order? Is Snoke the one in charge? Do they want the same things? Ben please-"

"Rey! Just go!" He snarled, standing up and towering over her. "I can't talk to you about this."

"Don't!" She begged, finally some of the fear and apprehension that she had worked so hard to contain coming to the surface. It was very easy to be angry and confused, but it took more for Rey to allow herself to be upset and afraid. And in front of _him_ no less. "I don't understand and I can't understand how you're just pushing me away like this!"

A mirthless laugh bubbled up from his throat. " _Me_ pushing _you_ away?" He asked incredulously. "Rey, _you pushed me away_! Or do you not want to remember the truth anymore?"

Tears pricked hotly at her eyes. No, don't cry. Do anything, but don't cry. "That's not-no, _you're_ not remembering it right! Don't you remember what you s _aid_ to me?"

He shook his head and stepped back. Stepping back from her, the truth. "I can't do this. I _left_ because of this. Of people wanting and expecting things _that I can't_ give!"

"So run away then," Rey hissed, burning furious when she felt a lone tear fall down her cheek. "You seem to be good at that. Maybe this time around you'll stay away for _two_ years."

His dark eyes seemed to harden even more so then they already were. "You can be so vicious when you want to be."

"Well, guess I learned from the best. Why did I even think to come here and talk to you? I don't know what possessed me! You and I haven't been _you and I_ in so long. The Ben Solo I knew left long ago and he apparently has _not_ come back. I need to go talk to someone who I actually _trust_ and who _cares about me_."

A beat of silence passed before Ben barked- _barked_ -out an ugly and loud laugh. The bastard actually looked truly amused about something. "Let's see," He wheezed, smiling widely but it was the smile of a cruel man. "I _think_ I can guess who you're talking about. Luke, you've already told me, won't talk to you. And sure as hell my parents are going to do the same. Your little lover boy Finn is clueless about this whole thing so it only leaves one more, Lord Dameron!" He clapped his hands gleefully. "Am I right? I know I'm right. So he's the one you _trust_ and who _cares about you_. How _sweet_. I saw how cozy you two were at the ball."

No, that's impossible. Ben couldn't have seen, couldn't have even heard Poe's confession. The scene on the balcony could be the only thing he was referring to, since she and Poe hadn't acted any differently than they usually did inside the ballroom. If you were just happening to come up the main drive, Rey supposed you could see if anyone was on the balcony. And she and Poe had been pressed right against the banister…

"You know nothing." Rey seethed. "And I don't have to stand here and listen to this." She made to leave the room, because obviously this conversation was heading nowhere productive, but his hand, quick and strong, on her arm made her stop.

She glared silently at the offending appendix but Ben paid her no heed. If anything, his grip tightened at her silent indignation. "Tell me, when had _that_ become a thing? How long did it take, exactly, after _I left_ before he started courting you?"

The obvious answer was that Poe wasn't courting her. That they weren't a thing. That maybe Poe had feelings for her, but Rey barely had the time to wonder if she had any for him. Of course, she pointed none of these things out. "None of your damn business!" she chose to say, and tried, and failed, to pull her arm free.

He was grabbing her so roughly that she was sure the skin was going to bruise.

"Answer the question Rey." He demanded.

"Of course you would think it had something to do with you!" She spat. "That it actually couldn't happen until _you_ were out of the picture!"

Ben leant forward, pushing his face close to hers. "What are you saying? That it happened _while_ I was still here? You know, that actually makes sense. Is _he_ why you were so eager for me to go? So I could be out of the way for you and _Poe_?"

"You're a bastard!" Rey cried and her free hand, the hand not being held down, flew out a punched-not slapped- _punched_ Ben straight across the face. He immediately released her and staggered back, shock written across his face.

Ben knew Rey could fight, but it had never been directed at him. At least, not in their adult years.

"Stay the hell away from me," Rey warned, her last final words to him, before storming out of his house and the manor.

Of course, she should have known ( _she had known_ ) the whole thing would be a mistake.

When Rey sat down back on BB8's saddle, she found she didn't know where to go. Her family was shutting her out, Ben was no longer Ben, and she really just didn't feel like seeing her friends with everything new between them.

To her horror and after such a very long time, Rey, found she was once again truly alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:** Thank you for the support for this fic! Reviews have all been readh and appreciated!

So we have more insight to the war in this one, and basically setting up characters for their parts in this story. Support is still greatly appreciated!

* * *

The sun has been set for hours by the time Rey comes home, and the air is thick with a dense fog and briskness that seems to cold for the summer season. Goosebumps are pricking up from her skin, and she even feels a slight tremble in her bones.

Yes, it's cold, but it's the least of Rey's problems.

She settles BB8 comfortably into his stall in the stables and gives him an apple before she ventures back to the manor. Already she can see the candlelights flashing from within the Parlour, and can imagine Luke, slumped in his chair, his face drawn and worried with years of experience and responsibilities that he always kept firmly on his shoulders.

She hates that she has always been one of those responsibilities, even if it is expected when it comes to a guardian ( _parent_ ) and their child. Ever since she could remember, Rey has always tried to show-tried to _prove_ -she can handle herself. She never wanted to be a worry or a trouble, in any sense of the word, least of all to Luke, the one person she cared most about in her life.

Her hasty and passionate departure earlier today probably taxed Luke greatly. Rey acknowledges this with a guilty sigh, closing the manor door softly behind her and beginning to tiptoe towards the Parlour. Sneaking around wouldn't help either, it was impossible to sneak up on Luke Skywalker. Even as her hand drifted forward to press lightly against the dark oak of the door, his voice called out right before her skin made contact, "Rey"

She blew out another puff of air, and pushed into the room.

As expected, Luke was tucked into his oversized blue cushioned chair, his back bent and his head in his hands as lines of worry decorated his expression. He raised his eyes slightly to appraise her, the blue orbs glimmering briefly with relief, but then the stress of the day and the situation overtook them. "I"m so happy you're back," He said softly, genuine yet tired.

Rey closed the door behind her and then padded over to the opposite divian. "I'm sorry I left the way I did," She began, "I was...upset. But it was no excuse-"

"No, no, Rey, you were right. To be upset the way you were, ti was justifiable. I was being unfair, I see that now. I saw it then too, I was just...in denial I suppose. Thinking it was for the greater good. You're greater good."

Rey bit her lip and dropped her gaze down to the ground, unsure how to handle his admittal to being wrong. "I…" She closed her eyes. "I saw Ben. I know you didn't want that either."

"No, I didn't. But that was always going to be a losing battle. You and Ben had always been so inseparable. I just worry about you Rey, and Ben as well. He hasn't been well, in a long time, which I'm sure you know."

She quietly nodded her head.

"Did he...enlighten things for you?"

 _Just that he's a jealous jerk._ Rey looked at him wearily. "Yes and no. He told me where he went when he left, how he met that man Hux and then Snoke in Mustafar. That Snoke hates the upper class which, apparently, Ben agrees with."

"Ben's issues delve deeper than that. Blaming that, though, is just the easiest thing to say."

"But it doesn't rationalize a _war_ Luke. _That_ , Ben didn't want to discuss. Or this First Order business."

Luke straightened his back and placed his hands firmly on the arm rests. Now here was _Lord_ Skywalker, strong, firm, and commanding and all he had to do was look tall sitting in his favorite chair in his dimly lit Parlour. "Rey, you will find, there is never really any good reason to start a war. No way to rationalize the loss of thousands of deaths, excuse acts of excessive brutality and cruelty. Some will say it's for honor, for _peace_ , but how can you achieve peace by bringing death? Rey, I use to think...to think there was glory in it. To fight for what you believed in, to run head first into a battle against _villains_ with my friends by my side."

Rey grew deathly silent, waiting for the one story Luke had never wanted to tell her. She knew of the war against the Empire before she was born, how Luke, Han , and Leia had all played a very important parts in it. Specifically _what_ they did, though, was what always remained a mystery. Yes, they were war heroes, but _why_? Even Ben didn't know the answers, though he didn't care to find them out as Rey did. The only truth she knew, the a _wful truth_ as some called it, was the role Anakin Skywalker played in it all. That Luke and Leia's own father had helped the Empire take over the land, enslaved the free, punished both those with and without status by keeping them firmly under a strict thumb. Oh yes, everyone knew of Anakin Skywalker.

"I didn't know who my father was in the battle against the Empire," Luke continued. "Of course, you know that already. That my mother died in childbirth, miles away, hidden from my father, and my uncle hid both I and Leia from him. He hadn't been in the right mind at the time. He had been... _warped_ by fear and anger. Society had punished him and my mother for their forbidden romance, shunned and exiled them. My mother could care less, but my father had been a victim of the harshness of society ever since he was a child and couldn't bear it anymore. He couldn't bear it for my mother either, though it meant little to her."

"Luke," Rey said gently, hoping to not offend. "I know about the tragedy of Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker already."

"I'm trying to make you understand, "He said patiently, "How my father started a war. Why he would start a war. He was another man, like this Snoke, like….Ben, who saw the ugliness of power and it's corruptions. But though they hate power, they also crave it. My father wanted to punish those who wronged him and his loved ones, yet to do that, he had to become someone he hated. Do you see the warpness of it all Rey? An endless circle of anger and hate that has no real end? This is how war starts. Someone thinks they know how the world should work but in order to make it so, they have to do the one thing they profess to be against."

"So that's it then? This war is really just to end the class system?"

Luke smiled ruefully. "Yes and no. Listen before you come any more frustrated. Yes, dethroning those in power, with titles, is certainly one of their goals. But it's also a thirst for the return to the old. The First Order is very much like the Empire. They believe their rule is what our land needs, is the only way it will thrive. The delusions of madness and hunger, of course, the sad tale of any human in want of power and attention. They want to rule because they believe they will do it best and because they _want_ the status. But there is also a personal vendetta attached to this."

"Personal?"

Another rueful smile. "Being a Skywalker, even a Solo, has never been a easy life."

"Against us?" Rey asked incredulously. "What do they have against us?"

"Han, Leia, and I helped end the war against the Empire. We are known across the land, respected, looked up to. We are an obstacle the First Order needs to crush in order to succeed. And of course, your Aunt is one of the head military strategists there is. She's an obstacle all on her own."

"And what does this has to do with me exactly? Ben mentioned Snoke asked questions about me but I don't see why. It can only be because I'm apart of the family, right?"

There, there it was against. The hesitance in his eyes, the tension in his shoulders. A secret, and Rey would explode if Luke did not reveal it now.

"Rey...there is a prophecy." Luke breathed in a healthy amount of air before continuing. "Prophets, you know, are few and in between. And even when one does exist, they are hardly ever listened to. The last time there was one, he prophesied about my father. But a prophecy is never as it seems. People read it, and my father's part in it, as a blessing, as a help to all the land. And he was, but not until the last minute. My father was a savior for a moment, though a moment was all it took. But up until that point, he caused so much pain and suffering. The ambiguity of a prophecy can be truly deceptive."

Rey frowned. "So what, has there been another prophecy made?"

"Yes, years ago when you had been young. But we never told anyone about not until, well, right before...before Ben left. I fear, though there might have been other reasons, Ben's knowledge of all this pushed him into his departure." He looked at her uncertainly, trying to gage her reaction to Ben's involvement. Rey sat still, trying to school her emotions. She wouldn't let a bad reaction prevent Luke from telling her the truth to save her feelings. And she couldn't do that if she tried to consider that Ben any have left for other reasons other than her so long ago. "She foretold another that will fall into the dark and bring chaos to the land, but there is hope."

The words brought a forbidding chill to her bones, much colder than the one that had affected her outside.

"Luke, I still don't see how I come into this." And honestly, she didn't want to see how. Was she the one to fall? Or would she be…

"The hope," Luke smiled, the first kind one for the whole night. "I believe it's you Rey."

 _Hope._ Her brain wouldn't even humor the idea for a second. A orphan? Someone who had been thrown away and forgotten like trash? What hope could she ever be? A protest swiftly fell from her lips, firm and resolute. "Of course it isn't. How could you even think that?"

"Rey-"

"Luke, I'm no one. You know this."

"No, I do not." He snapped and rose from his seat. "You are Rey Skywalker, my _daughter_ _ **.**_ Blood be damned. You were never no one Rey, I have tried so hard to make you see this."

"But a hope?" She asked desperately. "I-I don't know anything about war. I can't save anyone."

Luke walked over towards her, holding out his hands for her to grasp. "You have a inner strength I'd wish you see, it's something I've seen since the day I met you."

Though all she wanted to do was curl in a corner, drown in the cursed yet ever present loneliness she could never shake since Jakku, Rey could not deny him his silent plea. She loved Luke, no matter how much she sometimes hated herself. She took his hands and rose up, trying to find strength in him since she couldn't' do it in herself.

"But how do you know?" Rey whispered. "Did the prophecy specifically say it was me?"

"No, not specifically. I'm afraid prophecies don't work like that. But I _know_ Rey. When I look at you, I see hope. Everyone does. You're light, seen by even those in the dark.. Especially when someone is in the dark. I've seen it."

Dark. Light. Chaos and then hope. There had been two parts to the prophecy. If she had been one, then…

"Who will be the one to fall into the dark?" She asked, though the moment she did the answer already came to her. It was as if she always knew the answer. Always known the prophecy without needing to hear it. It made sense, though she desperately wanted it not to. She did not want to be anyone's hope, just as she didn't want _him_ to be the one to fall victim to the dark.

"No," She shook her head and backed away from Luke, away from his strength and his warmth. Uncertainty and doubt crept up her spine and overtook her being. Because he couldn't be right, he just couldn't. "The prophecy is wrong. It must be. The one about your father, you said it was ambiguous. People misread it. So maybe you're misreading this one. Deceptive, that's what you said wasn't it?"

"Yes, I did. But Rey, not all prophecies are the same. The one made about my father is quite different from the one concerning you and-"

"Don't say it! How could you possibly say it? How could you even _think_ it? He's your nephew!"

"I know that," Luke pleaded, "Don't you think I know that? I love Ben, he's my family. But I have to consider-"

"That what? He's some _villain_ you have to defeat like you did before?"

"Anyone is susceptible to darkness Rey. We are all human with faults."

"So what? That doesn't apply to me? How do you know I'm the hope and Ben isn't?"

Luke sighed and touched his fingertips to his eyes. "Rey, I can't begin to explain the ins and outs of a prophecy. I wasn't even the one to make it, she has the answers-"

"Well who is she? I'll go talk to her."

"No, out of the question-"

"Stop telling me no Luke."

"Rey, can't you trust me?"

"You're making it impossible to!"

"I don't want to fight," Luke sighed painfully, and fell back into his seat. "I don't recall us ever fighting so much and _like this_."

He was right, of course, and it made Rey feel just as guilty and terrible. She tried to control her breathing, tried to quiet the hot thrumming of her blood, and focus that Luke was, despite it all, just trying to protect her. But he had to realize this wasn't the way he could do it. "I"m not a child anymore Luke," She said calmly, seriously. "I'm not that girl you saved from Jakku. I can handle this, even if you think I can't."

A sad smile graced his lips. "It's not that I don't think you can handle it. The opposite, actually. I just wish you didn't _have_ to handle it."

"So do all people who in times of war." She replied, feeling quite old as she did. Too old and too much like Luke, actually.

He laughed, despite himself. "I'm rubbing off on you."

"We don't need to talk about it."

"Rey, there's something else. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Leaving?" She exclaimed, her concentration to be calm thrown out the window. "To where? Why?"

"To D'Qar with Hand and Leia. We need to meet with others to discuss the First Order. Though that is classified so try to keep it tight lipped. Especially with, well-"

"Ben?" Rey snapped, irritable all over again. "So this is what it's come to? Keeping secrets from our own family? What are his parents telling him exactly? Anything at all, or are they just leaving with a _good bye, see you later?_ "

"No one is happy with this Rey, least of all Han and Leia. But we have to make sure, for the sake of everyone, Ben can be trusted. And right now, that's not certain."

"Because of your silly prophecy."

"It's far from silly."

"So what am I supposed to do exactly? Sit by the window, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for you to come home? Waiting for this war to come to our front door?"

"For the time being, yes, I need you to wait. We can't rush headfirst into something we barely have any knowledge on. Our side needs to discuss, strategize, before we make a move."

"Sit around and talk, how heroic."

"You forget I've been in a war Rey, and you haven't."

 _That_ shut her up. She dropped her gaze down to the floor and tried her best not to flush with embarrassment. The conversation was coming to an end, she could feel it, yet she still felt as if she didn't get any of the answers she had wanted. If only Luke could just tell her…. "The name," Rey asked hopefully. "At least tell me the name of this woman who made the prophecy."

"Rey-"

"Luke, please. I'll go mad with all these questions in my head when you leave."

"If I tell you her name, then you'll go seek her out. But it's not safe for any travels. Not with so much uncertainty in the land."

" _Luke_ " Rey pleaded, looking at him desperately in the eye. " _Please_ "

His blue eyes glossed slightly, knowing there would be no putting her off and no stopping her from seeking her answers. He knew he was just a obstacle she would easily overcome. "Her name is Maz Kanata from Takodana."

The location was unfamiliar to her. "Takodana?"

"It's in the south, a little more inland than Naboo is from the coast. It's not really a place proper society likes to visit or even acknowledge. It's nestled in the deepest part of the jungle, a place you would only come upon if you seek it out. Otherwise, it's quite easy to pass by, even forget all together. Maz is in charge of the whole area, and is also very selective on who gets to pass into its borders."

"So she's a friend, right?"

Luke smiled. "At the moment, yes. Mention Chewbecca when you see her, she's in love with him. Oh and Rey, please try to be careful."

* * *

Luke left early before dawn.

He wasn't too thoroughly packed, but had enough with him to hint he wouldn't be back anytime soon. He would of course keep Rey updated with letters, but due to the curtain situation, he warned they would be far and in between, even most likely coded. So any real information she would hope to take from them would be close to nothing.

The sun was sharp in Rey's eyes as she stood by the doorway, her smile forced as her heart pounded with dread at this final moment together. _You'll see him again_ Rey kept chanting in her head. Of course she would see him again. And yet, as she watched Luke throw his final bag in the carriage and share some joke with his companion and longtime friend, R2, Rey wanted to cry. This _did_ feel like a goodbye. Something bad was looming in the horizon, and whatever it was, Rey felt certain it would separate her and her beloved guardian. Her _father_. And this would be only one of the horrors that would come.

But she smiled when Luke kissed her on the forehead, sleepy bedhead and all, and smiled again as he begged her to take care of herself. _Of course_ she replied. _Anything for you_.

They embraced tightly, so much so that Rey felt as if her own fears were now being mirrored in Luke. Did he feel it to? This awful sense of foreboding? This suspicion that this wouldn't be a simple and short lived farewell?

Not willing to see the answer in his eyes, Rey forced the thoughts away. She smiled, wouldn't stop smiling, and didn't stop smiling even as he carriage disappeared down the pathway.

Maybe if she lied to herself enough, she would eventually believe it.

* * *

The rational thing to have done was probably wait to leave. Wait to see if Luke reached his destination safely (he promised that letter would come right away), pack up the essentials (who knew how long she would be gone), make sure the manor would be taken care (their workers were good and trustworthy), and all the other responsible-mature things anyone would think of.

Rey was already packing a hour Luke had gone.

She couldn't wait. If she waited, she would perish from her wild thoughts and the fear of the unknown. She needed answers, needed to talk to this Maz, needed to just go. The world outside was waiting to do things, so why should she? Of course, there was one thing she did have to do.

"Rey!" Finn smiled happily and jumped from his seat in his parlour. A tasty looking breakfast and opened paper were forgotten as he met her halfway and embraced her warmly. Sitting down at the table as well, though, and now watching them fondly, was Poe.

She hadn't expected him to be here.

Feeling awkward, but then quickly thinking how stupid it was to feel that way (this was _Poe_ ), Rey shot him a genuine smile.

Thankfully, he returned one right back.

"What brings you here?" Finn inquired as he pulled back.

"A request, actually." Rey hoped she didn't look as nervous as she felt. "I'm going somewhere and I want you to come." Her eyes darted over to Poe. She had considered asking him as well, but the plan had been to first see how Finn handled all this before making it over to the Dameron estate.

Well, since he was here.

Fimm didn't look so put off from her question, but then again didn't understand the gravity of it either. He gently grabbed her by the elbow and guided her over to the divan, pulling her down to take a seat. Poe got up to join them, a curious expression on his face.

"You're taking a trip? To where, Coruscant? You hate going there." Finn asked.

"No, not there. Takodana."

"Tako-what?"

"How do you know about Takodana?" Poe inquired, not suspiciously but actually surprised she knew. Rye forgot for a moment he was probably well aware of the war going on. Maybe even the prophecy.

"Takodana. It's south, but not as far as Naboo. It's kind of hard to explain where it is, since it's hidden, but Luke gave me enough directions that I can find it."

Finn scoffed. "A hidden place? Care to explain that more?"

"This is going to be a long story, so bear with me."

She told them everything. They were her best friends, so it wasn't even a question to not tell them everything. Of course, she didn't know everything fully herself, but what information she did have, she turned over. The First Order, Ben, Luke, the prophecy, Maz, Snoke. Finn's eyes widened about a million times, and he kept interrupting to ask questions (he was actually terrible when it came to that kind of thing) but other than that, he listened to it all, and didn't look at her too madly when she finished. Poe looked overtly calm and collected and, if anything, concerned for her.

"Did you know about the prophecy?" She asked, careful not to let any bitterness lace her words.

"No, Rey, I swear I didn't. I knew Luke, Han, and Leia would be involved in this war, how could they not? But you, I thought this had nothing to do with you."

"So, let me get this straight." Finn interrupted. "You want to go to this place, no one knows about mind you, to ask some woman about some prophecy you and your cousin are apart of? A prophecy that has to do with a _war_?"

"Finn, I know it's a lot-"

Poe clapped his shoulder. "I was actually going to talk to you about it today Buddy."

"So everyone knows but me?!"

Rey shrugged. "I just found this all out practically a day ago if it makes you feel better. But look, I have questions that need answers so I need to go to see this Maz. And I want you to come with me, both of you."

"This is crazy Rey," Finn exclaimed. He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts, but confusion still marred his features. "This-this has nothing to do with us. This prophecy, it's crazy! The ramblings of some mad woman. Maybe your family needs to get involved in this war, but you don't. None of us do."

"Finn, we can't just sit by and watch." Poe argued. "We're all involved, whether we want to be or not."

"And I trust Luke. If he believes in all of this, then so do I." Except, she couldn't find the courage to say, the part about Ben. That he would be the villain to her hero, the dark to her light. He couldn't be, she wouldn't allow it. So not only did she need to learn about the prophecy for her sake, but his as well. But those fears, well, she'd rather keep to herself at the moment.

"Finn," Rey reached forward and gently grabbed her friend's hands. "I'm doing this. I'm going to Takodana, and I'm going to talk to Maz. And I'd really- _really_ -like if you were there with me." She glanced over to Poe for a moment, already knowing but just needing to see it (to see _him_ ), that he had agreed to come with her. As if expecting her, Poe was already looking at Rey with his soft and warm eyes, the most welcoming eyes she had ever beheld. Finn was kind once he knew you, Luke and her family-that was a different kind of compassion there, and Ben well, nope, she didn't want to think about Ben and how he looked at her (or at least, used to look at her). But Poe was the kindest soul she knew. It didn't matter how long you knew him, how close you were to him, he always looked at you like you were a old cherished friend.

Rey's heart fluttered for a moment, with those eyes looking at her and his confession still fresh in her mind.

Her heart hasn't fluttered like that in a very long time.

"Please come," She shifted her focus back on the task at hand. Worrying about Poe and fluttering hearts could wait for later. "Finn, please."

Ruefully, he shook his head. "Just up and leave? Rey, I have responsibilities here. I can't just abandon my mother."

"I'm not asking that! This isn't forever Finn-"

"But you can't guarantee when we'll be back, can you? And what if you say is true, if there is a war coming, then a million things can go wrong. A million things that can keep us from coming back here safe and sound."

Poe sighed. "Finn-"

"I can't." He jumped up from his seat, shaking his head and looking torn up to his center. "I'm sorry, really I am, but this is too much to ask. Rey, you're looking out for you and your family, well, I have to do the same. And this-this is where I need to be."

"Finn!" Rey exclaimed. Until that moment, she never considered Finn would deny her. She thought-she always thought, he would have her back like she did his. How could he say no? How could he not stand by her side?

Finn turned his back, and his body gave a small shutter. "You should go." He said in a monotone voice. "You don't want to waste anymore time here."

"Finn-"

"Rey," Poe intercepted her as she reached for Finn. "He's right. We can't force him to do this. Let's...let's go." He didn't look any more happy than she did with this turn of events but Poe was known to be more rational in situations than Rey was. She wanted to stay, fight and argue till Finn saw reason, but what if-what if what she was asking was too much? Could she not see it? Was she being too selfish and not considering Finn's feelings in all of this?

She looked sadly at her friend's back, still rigid and closed off, and wished they could have parted on better terms. That foreboding feeling of danger lurking in the future was still there, still real and awfully threatening, and now not only causing a divide between her and Luke, but her and Finn.

It wasn't fair. None of it was.

"Good bye" Rey whispered, following Poe as they left the estate.


	4. Chapter 4

Rey is still churning over Finn's refusal to accompany her and Poe to meet Maz hours after the occurrence itself.

She had come to Lady Phasma's manor packed and ready to go, a few bags of essentials tied tightly to BB8s saddle and hope tied so tightly in her heart. She had been so worried about herself, Luke, and Ben that she hadn't considered needing to actually be worried about her friends and their involvement (well, at least she had been correct about Poe).

Now, as she and Poe rode silently together, she couldn't help but feel stupidly selfish. She had been angry at Finn and his answer, she still was in all honesty, but she was now a little more clear headed to see the logic in his response. He was Lady Phasma's only heir, her only family for that matter, and if war was on the horizon (which it most certainly was) he would need to be by her side when it hit. Who knew how long this trip to Maz would take and what would follow after it. Rey was trying to do right by her family in this endeavor, and Finn was only trying to do the same.

(Still, it hurt).

Poe, thankfully, had been a quiet but reassuring presence. He didn't press her to talk about it, didn't jump to make excuses for Finn or even try to validate her feelings. He was just there, waiting for whatever move she would make and respond to that in kind. (He knew her so well).

So, for the first few hours of the trip (that included a quick stop to his estate to get his own belongings), the air had been filled with nothing but their breathing and the noises from their horses. Rey was too occupied with the thoughts in her mind to notice or be bothered by it. And whatever was occupying Poe, well, it seemed to be doing the job.

"Poe," She said suddenly, her voice even foreign to her ears for being quiet for so long. "You never really explained-not that I gave the chance to-your involvement in all this. Why you had been scouting the trade routes and gathering intel."

"Oh, well," He began, as if that answer had been obvious all along. "You know your Aunt is Magistrate of the area and my parents are in close counsel with her. They had heard the rumors of the First Order for some time now and had been sending several riders out to gather whatever information they could. I was only a recent volunteer."

"Why? Volunteer, I mean."

He shrugged. "Seemed like the right thing to do."

Rey shook her head. "No, I didn't ask that right. You would volunteer, that's the kind of man you are. I meant, why now? It seems this First Order has been around much longer than this past year. I'm sure Leia has been trying to counteract them for sometime, so why would you only just volunteer?"

"Oh," Poe seemed to fluster a little at the question. His jerked nervously to the side and his gaze focused somewhere far in the distance. "You're right, of course, Lady Solo has been aware for sometime. And I-well, I never volunteered before because…" Poe scratched at the back of his head. "Rey, I don't really have a good answer to that question. I just did, okay?"

The response wasn't snappish nor did it bear any ill will toward her, but it still made Rey frown. There was an answer, it was obvious on Poe's face, he just didn't want to give it to her. .

"Poe, quite a few people have lied to me-or at least omitted the truth-quite frequently in the past couple days. I would hate for you to be added to that list."

"...would you trust me when I say the answer is really not all that important?"

"I trust you, but I still want to know."

He smiled ruefully. "Of course you do. Look, I hadn't volunteered my services because, for one, I never fully understood the gravity of the situation. There is always bad people out there doing bad things, you can't stop them all. So, when my parents first informed me of the matter, I didn't take it seriously. Maybe, in my defense, they hadn't presented it all that seriously either. And at the time, I was content where I was. Learning my father's business, spending my days with you and Finn, I didn't really feel any call to service."

"And then?" Rey prompted.

"Simply said, the situation grew more serious. It wasn't just some people running around breaking the law here and there. It was a following, a large and organized group that wanted to do real harm. So I wanted to help."

"But that's not all?" She guessed, or why else would Poe try to avoid talking to her about this.

"No, it's not." Poe sighed. "Don't get upset, okay? I-I didn't volunteer at first because-well, I was gathering up the courage to ask to court you."

A instant flame exploded within Rey's cheeks.

"Look, we don't have to talk about it. At all. I'm just answering your question. Obviously, my plan didn't fall through and with the threat of the First Order growing, I left."

"But…." She should be quiet. Really, she should be quiet. But her curiosity was nagging painfully at her. "Why did you, um, change your mind?" And there went the blush anew.

The question, though, seemed to not embarrass Poe. If anything, it caused him to look at her curiously, maybe even a little hopefully (Rey wasn't sure how she felt about that but she knew she wanted to know the answer).

"You…" He paused, considering his words. "Something, I believe, happened to you."

"What?"

"It was almost a year ago, maybe a little more. You just, changed one day. Everyone noticed but we didn't really say anything because, well, you became very closed off and hard to talk to."

Rey's back straightened. No, he couldn't be talking about what she thought he was. How could he possibly even-

"It was right after Ben left."

Oh Lord, he was talking about it.

"Nothing that drastic happened to you Rey, another reason we really didn't pursue it, but it was enough for us to notice a change. You were just, well, less you I suppose. Didn't come out as much, more quiet, more antisocial-more than you usually are anyway." He chuckled. "Eventually, obviously, you got better. Your letters showed it, and Finn's confirmed it."

"I was-it was-"

"Rey, you don't have to explain-"

She shook her head. "No, I-I want to. Poe, it was just a little rough patch. It hadn't been that serious it had just been...hard."

Poe looked at her tentatively. "Did it have to do with Ben?"

Her silence was answer enough.

"I figured. We all figured really. You two had been so close and Ben had become so distant at that point. So when he left, it just seemed natural you would be upset over it."

"I...was." It wasn't a lie, just not the whole truth.

Poe nodded. "So it wasn't really the best time to tell a girl you fancy her."

Rey bit her lip. "I suppose you're right."

"But, like I said, we don't have to talk about it. It's in the past and, ah, it can stay there."

"Poe-"

"Really Rey. There's a lot more important things to focus on now."

True, but it still didn't feel right with her that Poe, happy charming Poe, has harbored feelings for her for so long. Feelings he never talked about, never acted on, except for one moment that she had promptly walked away from. And while they did need to focus on the task at hand, Rey still felt the need to say _something._

"Maybe we don't have to talk about it now, but...maybe, in the future?"

It wasn't much, but it was enough to bring a smile to Poe's face.

The weren't too far from the southern shores, but it was still a good three day ride.

Rey and Poe busied themselves with catching up with each other during all that time, swapping stories and sharing interesting tidbits about the other's live since Poe had been away. It was pleasant, carefree, and a much needed break from all the sudden stress that had befallen them. They managed to always find some village for shelter by nightfall, and spent cozy nights on a soft bed, still sheltered from the impending doom sure to come.

Topics that involved Ben were avoided, which was easily done since he had been just as absent as Poe had in the past. Finn, too, was still a touchy subject but only in the sense of the past couple days, nothing before then.

Poe was delighted with stories of her aunt and uncle, which wasn't surprising since he always idolized the two. Leia was a strong, fierce woman with a brilliantly strategic kind of mind and Han a carefree but terribly loyal rogue who knew the ins and outs of this world like no other. Everyone admired the couple, but no one so much as Poe who had unofficially made them his mentors not so long ago.

In turn, Rey was fascinated to hear of all the places Poe had travelled to. She never really got much of the opportunity to explore the world, even though Luke often did. More often than not he ordered her to stay home went he went abroad, but it had never truly bothered her since she always had the company of her friends and family to fall back on. _That_ _ **,**_ a family, had always been her dream in life, not the world. Still, she enjoyed the tales of far off places as Poe described them with his usual vigor.

Time passed quickly for them with such pleasant company, and Rey almost-almost-forgot the gravity of their mission. But then the day had come to finally reach Takodana. They were in the midst of an extremely dense forest with trees that were thick, tall, and bountiful. They reached high above and their branches completely enveloped the area, making any glimpse of the sky near impossible. Likewise, their roots were ancient and strong, popping up from the ground and snarling this way and that, making it very hard for even two lone riders to navigate through.

"I can see why no one knows of this place," Poe grumbled, again having to urge his horse around a impossible tree that blocked the way. "It isn't worth half the trouble."

Rey did her best to not get too frustrated. "According to Luke's directions, we need to find a river."

That had been a quest within itself. Though the forest was filled with noises of different animals and the breeze rushing past bushes and leaves, there wasn't the slightest sound of even a trickle of water. It seemed like hours that they absently travelled around until finally they heard a drip drop of water on some surface. Rey urged BB8 into a gallop towards it, and cried out in relief when she finally found a small stream nestled between moss covered boulders.

"This will lead us to a river, it must! Come on Poe!"

They galloped hard and fast, well, as best as they could anyway, and it didn't take long before the thin quiet stream grew wider and wilder. It's size kept slowly widening until it spilled out into a vast lake, large with crystal blue water. And there along it's shores was an ancient looking castle.

"We made it," Rey breathed, hope blossoming within her chest.

It seemed impossible that the dense and empty forest could house such a lively castle. Outside was full of people mingling about, talking and selling things, and inside was ten times as worse. It was impossible to look across the room let alone actually try to walk through it. The crowds were loud and wild, talking and drinking without a care in the world.

Rey didn't even know what Maz looked like.

"So, start asking around?' Rey suggested, not even seeing another option.

"It seems like our only choice. But Rey, best keep our names to ourselves. Who knows who is here and what side they're on."

Rey nodded and lead the way into the room, Poe right behind her.

It seemed like the most sense to ask the bartender in the back first, since he obviously worked here, but the question prompted the tall and gangling man to snarl at Rey.

"What the hell do you want with her?" he spat, the glass in his hand slammed roughly down onto the wood.

"Calm down buddy," Poe said calmly yet sternly. "We're just here to speak with her."

"I've never seen either of you here before," The man continued, his beady eyes darting suspiciously between the two. "We don't take kindly to strangers in Takodana."

"Look, are you going to take us to Maz or not?" Rey snapped.

"I don't have to do anything girlie-"

"Bubba!" A voice boomed throughout the room. The music halted, and every single person grew deathly silent. The bartender's mouth slacked open and his eyes looked beyond Rey's shoulder.

"Is that anyway to treat guests?" The voice continued, a womanly voice that held obvious years of age to it. Despite that, though, it held the kind of authority Rey usually credited to her Aunt. "Get them two drinks, now. And make a Palpaloo for me as well."

The bartender quickly nodded his head and got to work.

Rey and Poe turned around, to finally meet who had to be the owner of this place-Maz. Oh yes, she definitely had a good amount of years on her shoulders. She was extremely petite, even smaller than Rey who wasn't that big to begin with, but stood with her back erect as she regarded the two. Her dark skin had wrinkles almost everywhere, and her hair was a mass of curls that were cut right right atop her ears. Thick rimmed glasses covered her eyes, eyes now pointedly looking Rey up and down.

"Skywalker." She stated plainly. "It's never exactly a good thing when a Skywalker or Solo pays me a visit."

"Um," Rey swallowed back her nervousness. "My fat-guardian told me where to find you. Professor Skywalker."

Maz waved her hand. "You can say father girl, I'm not so haughty to care about blood. Luke has no qualms calling you his daughter. But I know who you are Rey Skywalker and why you're here."

"The prophecy," Rey breathed.

"Yes, but best not to talk about it here. Pretty boy, grab our drinks and follow me."

Poe grinned and did as he was told. They followed Maz through the crowds that dutifully made way for her, bringing them all the way to the back of the room where a quieter alcove lay in wait with a table and chairs.

"Now, what is it you wish to know?" Maz inquired after they all settled in.

"Everything," Rey said eagerly. "Luke really didn't tell me much, just that there is a hope mentioned that will defeat a darkness."

"That is basically the gist of it."

"Yes but how do you know it's me? And that the darkness is-" Rey stopped herself and darted a glance to Poe. She hadn't exactly told him yet the part where Ben was suspected to be the villain in the prophecy.

"Your cousin?" Maz said cooly, not aware of why she hesitated.

Thankfully, if Poe was surprised, he didn't show it or say anything.

Rey nodded.

"Girl, prophecies are ancient things. The Maker has only gifted some of us with the ability, or cursed us from other's perspective. We're more delivers of them then interpreters. If you're unhappy with the prophecy, I am sorry, but there is not much more I can do."

"But, I just don't understand. You specifically prophesied that Ben Solo is some kind of darkness that needs to be defeated by me?"

Maz sighed, deep and low, and closed her eyes. "My prophecy was more of the visual sense than verbal. I saw glimpses of our land, glimpses of death, blood, and agony. The First Order fighting against the legions your family had amassed. I saw you girl, fierce and beautiful and ready to reign hell on your enemies. And I saw him, Ben Solo. I saw a hand of darkness on his shoulder, with claws that pierced his skin and blackened his blood. The poison gnarled his face with hideous anger and brought a blade to his hand that killed all those in front of him. None stopped him, none met his rage, until he came upon you. As you two faced each other, light met dark, the world flashed, and my prophecy ended."

Rey felt the blood leave her face and swallowed thickly, horrified by the scene Maz had just painted her. Of course she felt anger toward Ben and everything that had happened between them, but could she ever face him on a battlefield like Maz had just described? No, of course not. She would never raise a blade to him and she knew, without a doubt, he would never do the same to her.

"You're wrong," Rey whispered, unable to even fathom such a scenario happening. "Ben and I would never do that to each other. Ever."

Dimly, Rey felt Poe's fingers brush against her hand.

Maz's eyes opened, large and wide behind her thick spectacles. It made it all the easier to see the pity shining back at her. "Child, are you so sure of your connection with him?"

"Yes" She answered back strongly.

"Yet this is the only part of the prophecy you have contention with? That he will turn against you? What about the others before you that are destined to die by his hand? Of the anger and hatred that will twist his heart? You do not protest these things because you know, though you try to deny it, it can-will-happen to him. And if he falls so easily into that darkness, then it is only a matter a time before his ire will turn towards you."

No, it wasn't possible. But she had been right. Rey only raged at the prophecy because she could not accept Ben would try and harm her. But everything else….she hadn't even bothered. Was she that selfish or did she truly believe Ben was capable of doing such things?

"You don't even know him," Rye spat.

"No, I don't. But you do girl, so search your feelings. Has the young Solo caused doubt within you? In his family? You all are making plans now, preparing to battle the darkness. But where is Ben? Do you, anyone of you, include him in this? Why is that? What company has he been keeping Skywalker?"

The chair clattered to the floor as Rey jumped up. She looked angrily at Maz, inwardly angry at herself, and shook her head. "This was a mistake. You're wrong, you're all wrong."

"Rey!" Poe called but she was pushing through the crowds, making herself lost in it. She needed to be alone right now. To think, to prove to herself everything Maz had been saying was wrong. She had to be wrong, Ben would never-he couldn't.

Yes, he was always bit of an outsider in his family. Yes, his relationship with his parents isn't that great. But that didn't mean he was going to turn into a psycho murderer! What kind of madness was that?

Rey didn't know where she was going until she realized she wasn't even in the main room of the castle anymore. Where she was is now is quite, dark, and devoid of any other living soul.

A crate of something was on the floor and Rey blindly kicked at. She let out a scream and kicked again, and again, and again. She kicked until the crate was nothing but splintered wood and her foot began to feel warm and wet with blood.

Poe was waiting with the horses when Rey returned.

He was quiet as she immediately went to BB8, stroking the stallion's hair and pressing her face against his neck. BB8, sensing her mood, gently nuzzle her hair.

"Rey," Poe said after a few more minutes. "I don't know much about prophecies but what Maz said...she could be wrong."

"She is," Rey said immediately. "Ben is a lot of things, but he's not that."

"Then I trust you."

The sentiment did not make her feel any better. With her face still pressed against BB8, she whispered dejectedly, "What do we do now?"

Luke was gone, so was Han and Leia, and here she was supposed to be the turning tide in a war that had barely begun. It didn't feel right to just...just go home. To sit and wait while others were out there actually do something. It felt like defeat. It felt like uselessness.

Poe's hand fell on her shoulder, warm and comforting. He squeezed once. "Whatever you want to do Rey. Wherever you want to go."

She finally pulled back and looked at him. "Poe, you're involved in this. Don't you have somewhere to be? Orders or something?"

"I do. I'm to report to D'Qar soon. But that can wait, I'm with you now."

"You don't have to do that Poe."

"You're my friend Rey. Of course I do."

Now that made her smile, despite her mood. "Okay, how about-"

A scream split through the air and the two jolted with surprise. Another followed, then another, and another. They were cries of pain and horror, getting louder and more frequent with every second. But then other sounds entered the mix. Steel on steel, grunts of anger, things falling to the ground. Shouts now, orders and curses and other unrecognizable noises that made Rey tremble with fear.

A fight was breaking out, but not a simple scuffle that would happen late nights in taverns. This was much larger and much more violent.

"Get on your horse," Poe ordered sternly and was already walking towards his own. "Now"

But Rey was frozen. "People are getting hurt" She heard herself say.

"I know, but we can't help them. We can't risk you."

"But Poe-"

"Rey dammnit. Prophecy or no prophecy I'm not letting any First Order bastards get their hands on you. _Now get on the horse_."

He couldn't be sure it was the First Order. They had yet to see any attacker, only heard the madness they were causing not far off. But even though they couldn't know for sure, it was too much of a coincidence for it not to be them.

The war had finally come.

And though she hated herself for it, Rey saddled BB8. She could fight decently enough, Luke had no qualms of her teaching despite her gender, but to actually put her skills to use-it caused a immeasurably fear within her.

As she sat stupidly on BB8, torn with over what she was about to do, Poe spurred her to action. He slapped the stallion swiftly on its rump and let out a cry for it to run. It took a second for BB8 to sprint out of the stables, Poe and his steed right behind him.

It was mayhem outside.

The crowds that had been drowning Maz's castle were now all outside, like ants forced outside their earthly home into the fresh air. They were running wildly, screaming and crying, while others were trying to fight back from the sudden surge of aggressors.

The First Order. Finally, some kind of visual to place to the ominous name. Their soldiers were all in white-a odd choice, Rey couldn't help but think. White tunics and leggings, the only splash of difference was the black belt and matching boots. And they wore masks. White clothes wrapped tightly on their heads, only letting their eyes and nose be visible. They might as well be covered with the lifelessness staring back at everyone. They were making no qualms with whom they attacked, their swords cutting down every body that came too close to them.

Rey gasped as she saw a scrawny man, trying desperately to hit someone with a club, have a sword cut right into his shoulders. As his flesh was split in two blood poured from the wound like a waterfall and splashed onto the ground. It was more than Rey ever thought she would see in her lifetime. Her stomachs churned as the mean screamed, spit mixed with red dribbling from his open mouth. The First Order soldier ripped his sword from the flesh, and then kicked the man in the stomach so he stumbled to the ground. Then he rose his weapon up once more…

"Rey!" Poe screamed, only inches from her and trying to lead her back into the woods. "Move!"

BB8 was restless underneath her, the noises and aggression making him jittery and pawing at the ground. He was breathing loudly through his nose and waiting rather impatiently for Rey to command him to do something.

"Rey!" Poe cried again but then it was too late.

A hand had gripped her leg and pulled her roughly from the saddle. She went tumbling down without a fight, the dirt floor meeting her cheek with a sick thud. Biting back the pain, she looked wearily up to see a soldier in white raising up his sword. Just like the man with the club…

Then there was Poe, body slamming into the solider and away from Rey. The two men tumbled to the floor, grunting and grappling with each other as they did. The sword slid helplessly away from its owner, right in reach for Rey to take.

And take she did.

Rey finally felt her instincts kick in, the need to fight-not run, rush into her blood like a welcome friend. She grabbed the sword without any hesitation, and was up on her feet rushing to her friend. But then another soldier blocked her way before she got anywhere near Poe, who was now fist fighting the soldier he had knocked to the ground.

The soldier looked at her indifferently, like just another body for him to split in two, and raised his weapon. Rey met him with full force.

She knew how to fight with a sword, and had sparred with Luke, Han, and even Ben. But no one had ever tried to actually kill her before, this was something quite different. The soldier was ruthless-almost inhuman in his attacks. Rey was quickly getting breathless but the soldier didn't even look like he was breaking a sweat.

Thankfully, though the soldier was bodily strong, he was poor in skill. His attacks were full of power but lacked finesses and defense. It was easy for Rey to find enough openings to strike him down. She hesitated at first, and tried to find ways to just incapacitate the man. Finally, a opening arose as he missed a hit at her chest. He left his legs open, and Rey swooped in, slashing the flesh of his calves and watching the man scream and fall to the ground. Her sword sent a stream of blood into the air as she pulled away.

"Rey!" Poe called. He punched the soldier one more time in his face, sending him spiraling to the ground, and then rushed towards her. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," She breathed, though her stomach churned at the violence she had just committed. "I-I just,"

But then more soldiers were upon them. So many more. Rey was again clashing swords, and Poe along with her as he now had the one he took from his fallen soldier.

"Skywalker!" A voice called through the mayhem.

Rey looked wildly around till her eyes found Maz, rushing through the crowds and right towards her. It was a bit odd, to see such a old and frail looking woman running at such a pace as so many people fought and died around her. A pistol was clutched fiercely in her hands, and the unlucky men that got in her way were immediately shot in the chest.

"What are you doing here?" Rey cried as she reached her. She would think Maz would be safe in her castle or on some escape route if under such an attack.

"Making sure you get out of this alive!" She retorted, and shot at someone behind Rey. There couldn't be much bullets left. "We can't let the First Order have you! Rey," She looked up at her through those glasses, "You need to run, now!"

"I'm not leaving-"

"She's right," Poe interjected. "We'll hold them off so you can get away. Rey, go!"

"Poe!" Rey exclaimed, not even fathoming the possibility. The only reason he was here was because of her and now she was to abandon him?

"There's no time to argue!" Poe cried and then was hugging her, pushing their bodies tightly together that Rey gasped at the fierceness. But just as quick as it started, it was over. He pushed her toward the forest and turned his back, ready to face the next attacker.

Angry tears burnt at her eyes.

"Rey," Maz snapped, "Whether you accept it or not, you're too important. Leave, don't go home, find your family. They will keep you safe."

D'Qar. Luke was in D'Qar. But that was so far from here and to leave Poe…

"Go," Maz urged, pushing at her legs. "Go now."

Helplessly, she began to back away. Every cell in her body was screaming otherwise, but some part of her understood it was time to leave. She gave one last look at Poe, swearing to every god above she would see him again, and then turned and ran into the shelter of the trees.

Rey didn't get far until the bullet of a pistol shot the bark of the tree next to her head.

She was far enough from the castle that nothing but trees surrounded her, but no far enough that she still couldn't hear the fighting. And apparently not far enough that a soldier didn't follow her.

She turned around with a gasp, and saw a man in white aiming a gun at her. He was close enough to kill her, too close for Rey to try and dodge it. She was shocked he had already missed. But then a thought occurred to her-maybe they didn't want her dead. They wanted to bring her in alive.

"Don't move!" The man barked. "Or I'll shoot you in the leg. Got it?"

Rey didn't answer, but did do as he said. She looked around wildly, trying to find something-anything-that could help her. The sword in her hand was pretty useless when up against a pistol.

"Now, come closer, slowly. And drop the sword while you're at it."

With no other choice, Rey did as she was told. One step at a time, bile rising in her throat, Rey came closer to the soldier. She loathed to drop her weapon but she did, and it fell with a dull thud against the lush green ground.

"Good, closer now, closer..."

The man gasped. Rey froze. There, as if magic, a sword was suddenly through the man's chest. The blade's tip was red, and Rey stared at him dumbly as it sucked the life from the First Order warrior. The man fidgeted uselessly against it, and spat and cursed with each draining second. His blood was staining his uniform, and then the ground, and as he stared at the red growing larger and larger, life finally left him.

The sword drew back from his body and the soldier dropped to the ground. There, standing behind him, was Be Solo.

"Ben…" Rey whispered, shocked, horrified, and confused. What the hell was he doing here?

"How could you be so stupid?" He spat and walked over the dead man like he was nothing but the dirt beneath him. "How could you think coming here was a _good_ idea?"

Rey was still trying to process that he was actually here let alone trying to answer him.

"Rey!" Ben barked and grabbed her roughly by the shoulder. "Snap out of it, we need to leave-"

"Solo"

The two turned their heads back towards the direction of the castle. A tall man with a group of soldiers had come upon them. Unlike the other, this man wore complete black, a stark contrast to the bright red hair combed neatly atop his head. His cold blue eyes stared vehemently at Rey, making her feel all kinds of wrong, before they slid to Ben. "You have her, well done."

Ben didn't answer and didn't remove his hand from her shoulder

"Bring her along, Lord Snoke will be pleased to hear of her capture."

Rey's eyes snapped to him. " _Ben_ "

No, no, no, no, no.

"This was a mistake," Ben snarled, not to her but to the redheaded man. "I could have accomplished this mission on my own, _like I assured you_ , and now you've exposed us like this. Snoke will not be _pleased_ to hear about _this_."

"Your mission," The man retorted and apparently not phased by Ben's anger at all (a feat within itself), "Was to acquire the girl _at her estate._ That was why you argued to return home and to your family to begin with, was it not? And yet there you were, with ample opportunities, but did nothing until she left to go on this little expedition. I had no choice but to intervene."

Ben glowered at him. "I had it under control Hux, and now you've introduced the world to the might of the First Order before we planned to. And on a strike against Takodona no less."

Hux, the man Ben had told her he met in Naboo. The man who introduced him to Snoke.

Hux shrugged. "It was all in the name for her so I'm sure Lord Snoke will understand. Now, how about we end this little chat and leave this rat hole, hm?" He promptly turned on his heel and began to walk toward the castle, his soldiers following dutifully behind him.

Rey felt Ben tug her right behind them.

"How could you?" Rey breathed, horrified as Ben- _Ben_ -brought her into the hands of the enemy. She wanted to fight, her fists itched to do so, but she knew it was useless. Even if she could escape Ben's grasp, Hux and his soldiers would be on her in seconds.

Ben didn't answer her, didn't even look at her. It was then she noticed his attire, pitch black, just like Hux. Rey's stomach churned.

As the castle came back into sight, as well as the mass of unmoving bodies on the ground, Ben's hold lessened slightly.

"Do you trust me?" He whispered, his voice too low for anyone but her to hear.

A horde of horses were now present in the castle's courtyard as well as several dark coaches. The First Order soldiers were beginning to mount, beginning to leave, apparently satisfied with the death they had brought upon this hidden place. Rey couldn't see Poe or Maz anywhere, and didn't know if they had escaped or were just one of the many bodies littering the ground.

 _What company has he been keeping Skywalker?_

A tear escaped Rey's eye. "No, I don't."

Ben's hand squeezed her shoulder once more but the reason behind it was lost to Rey.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors Note:** Please note the rating change of this story! We're entering M territory! This Chapter is heavy with Reylo because some things needed to be explained but we will return to our other characters next chapter!

* * *

She doesn't know how long she is kept prisoner by the First Order.

 _By Ben_.

All Rey knows that is she was shoved into a dark carriage, still reeling over the acres of dead bodies strewn across Takodana ( _Poe, Poe, Poe_ ), and Ben doesn't even spare her a final glance as the door is slammed shut. The windows are boarded. It's pitch black. She can't even see her own hand hovering in front of her face. She screams for hours, pounds and pounds against the wood, rails as the carriage moves, taking her somewhere far and unsafe.

She doesn't know when the day starts or ends. She doesn't know anything.

Rey curls into a ball at some point, defeated and weary. She's pretty sure her knuckles are bloody, but since she can't see she can only go off the warm liquid feeling on her hands.

Her heart mourns for Poe. Hates Ben. Longs for Luke.

She screams until her throat goes hoarse.

The carriage stops sometimes. Sometimes, they let her out. Sometimes, they don't. The times the black wooden door does creak open, Rey acts like a wild animal. She claws and bites at whoever has the misfortune of handling her. Surprisingly, the First Order soldiers aren't too violent with her. They do what they have to to subdue her, keep her in check, but other than that, they're mostly polite.

(Rey wonders if it's because of Ben) (She immediately hates herself for considering it)

They only let her out to relieve herself. It's embarrassing for someone to watch her as she does her business, but it's better than picking a corner of the carriage to soil. Rey tries so hard to find his face when she's let out doors, but, for whatever reason, Ben is nowhere in the vicinity when she's granted her short release. Neither is the man Hux. It's just the faceless soldiers with their white masks and indifferent gazes.

Rey hates them all. (She also hates herself)

She sleeps, most of the time, and even though it feels like defeat, there really isn't much else for her to do. Every attempt of escape has failed. Every attack, pleading, bargaining…all ignored and thwarted. Falling into an endless slumber is making her body fatigued, Rey feels it with every drowsy pull of her muscle, but she is helpless to stop it. She is angry, upset, and defeated. Everything is wrong, she is a prisoner, and there is no escape in sight. So really, sleeping is the only thing she can do. (Wants to do)

One night (she knows it's night, because when the carriage door swings open, and her eyes blearily gaze up at the stars), there is a change.

She was sleeping, per usual, and her body actually groans at the prospect of being interrupted. But it's isn't the usual First Order solider at the door. It's Ben.

Rey is unsure at first. Maybe she is dreaming. Or delusional. Ben helped her be captured. Imprisoned her. Ben has ignored her ever since. Why would he be here now, opening her carriage door and looking at her like she was on her deathbed?

(Maybe she was. She couldn't tell what state of mind or body she was in anymore)

"Rey" He breathes, broken and mournful.

She doesn't answer him. Rey can feel her eyes narrow, her lips twist into a grimace, but other than that she doesn't respond much to his presence.

He seems upset at this, but ignores her docile actions and reaches out his hand. "Come on, we have to be quick."

Rey just turns her back to him.

But then his large hands are gripping her shoulders and pulling her from her position. Her body twists and drops, first on the wooden floor of the carriage, and then on the dirt floor of the ground. She growls with each collision, and tries to wriggle from him grasp. But she's weak, and he's always been strong, so there isn't much of a fight to put up.

Ben wrangles her to her feet, making Rey stumble alongside him in the dark and away from her four wheeled prison. She wants to push him away, to scream, but what good would it do her? He was a First Order member, these were his people, so whatever he was going with her-no one would care.

(She hates him. She hates him)

"Could you try to move a little faster?" Ben whispers heatedly, still tugging her along with little care to how she stumbles over her feet.

"I don't have to pee" Rey spits, figuring this is the only reason for this reprieve. She wonders, though, why Ben has decided to be her guard.

A quick glance. "I'm not here for that."

"Then what do you want?"

"We're _leaving_ Rey"

A twig snatches at her shoulder and Rey instantly realizes how far they've walked. Her carriage is nowhere in sight, nor is any horse, soldier, tent, or sign of life. Just the solemn trees of the forest and the black. She had been so concerned with her anger and Ben, she hadn't even noticed.

"What do you mean?" She inquires, still suspicious and weary. And yet, her body begins to gain its footing and follow him with an energy she didn't know she had anymore.

"Everyone is at the nearby village. A couple guards stayed behind but I told them I would take care of watching you. This was our only chance."

"Only chance for what?"

"God, Rey. _To escape_ "

The word is bitter in her ears. She gives her arm a final tug and Ben let's her go this time, but he doesn't look so happy to see her stomp her feet to the ground. But she doesn't care about his glare or annoyance. She needs answers before she takes another step.

"You helped them capture me. You handed me over to them."

The statements ebb Ben's anger minimally, only slightly softening his eyes and making some guilt tug at his expression. "I had to. There was no other choice."

"I'm going to need more than that."

"Rey," He drags his hand through his dark locks, a telltale sign of him being anxious. "There isn't time to talk. Not right now. Anyone could come back from the village or the guards could come check on us. We need to put as much space between us and them as we can."

"But I don't trust you."

Rey means it, with every fiber in her being, and she doesn't say it to hurt Ben (well, maybe) but she needs him to know. Needs him to know what he did to her has a price and what he was asking her to do now wasn't as simple as he believed.

Ben visibly flinches as the words hit him, and his eyes squeeze shut just as his hands curl into fists. Rey hopes it hurts now. Hopes it makes him despair just as much as she did in that carriage for God knows how long.

After a long moment, Ben murmurs, "I know. I know what I did to you…." He trembles, from anger, guilt, who knows. "Rey, I can't say anything to make this better. But if you can't trust me, trust your instincts. What's your best chance for survival right now? Coming with me, or trying to figure it out on your own?"

The answer was obvious, but Rey wouldn't give him the pleasure of hearing her say it.

"Once we get far enough away, once we're safe, if you want to leave me then fine. Leave me. Kick my ass before you do too. But right now, we have to go. Now."

Now it's Rey's hands that are curling into fists. Kicking his ass now sounds like too good a idea to pass up. But she supposed it could wait. "Let's go then."

They don't talk. They just run and run and run.

Ben had secured two horses, tired up and waiting for them. It makes Rey's heart beat painfully at the realization that BB8 is out there somewhere. Alive or dead, she doesn't know. She had been so focused on Poe, Ben, and her situation that she hadn't even remembered.

She hates the man beside her all over again.

But Rey cages in her emotions and any biting words. Priority one was to get the hell away from the First Order. She could focus on that instead of the need to unleash her rage.

Rey isn't sure where she is so she has to, unfortunately, let Ben take the lead. It doesn't sit well with her but there isn't really any other choice.

He tells her they can't go home. It isn't safe anymore.

So then where she asks.

I'm not sure he replies. Reluctantly. A little shamefully.

It's then Rey realizes Ben has no idea where his parents are. No idea where Luke is. They hadn't trusted him with the truth.

 _They were right_ Rey thinks a little viciously.

But Rey needs to get to them. Would telling Ben be a mistake? She could take him up on his suggestion. Find the nearest village, get her bearings, and then leave him in the dust. Punch him in his big nose before she did.

But where would that leave Ben?

The thought made her growl. Why did she still care what happened to him considering what he had done?

(He's rescued you a traitorous voice whispers) (He captured you another one argues) (He broke your heart a whole other voice reminds) (You love him a terribly quiet one murmurs)

Rey doesn't know which one to listen to.

They ride all through the night, not taking a single break. They don't push the horses too much, knowing tiring their only ways of transportation would be less then desirable. But they ride enough to be quick, to get far away, and by morning Ben looks less agitated and worried.

At noon, at least what Rey thinks is noon, they even stop at a small stream.

As the horses bow their heads gratefully and slurp up as much liquid as they can, Rey also takes the time to gather herself. She kneels down on the grass and dips her hands into the cool water, bringing them up to splash at her face.

"Stop staring at me" Rey says, feeling Ben's gaze on her back as she dunks her hands again to take a drink.

"Sorry," He murmurs and then bends down next to the stream too, but with a bit of distance between them.

"Are we safe now?"

"In general, no. For right now, yes."

She resists the urge to roll her eyes. "Then now we talk. Why did you betray me?"

Ben sighs and bends his head down, making some of his hair fall down into his eyes. Rey always use to love pushing those strands back, a habit she had as a child that never shook off into adulthood. Ben hated physical contact, with anyone, so Rey had done it to annoy him at first. It turned into a long running joke that lost its bite as they grew older and Rey was sure, though he'd loath to admit it, Ben actually enjoyed the sensation of her fingers running through his hair.

Rey turns her head away.

"I told you I had been involved with the First Order. With Hux and Snoke."

"But then you came home"

"Yes but…not exactly the way you think."

"Ben, I'm in no mood for riddles right now."

Another sigh. "I told my parents I had left the First Order but I actually never-quit, per say."

Rey's head snapped towards him. "So who the hell are you lying to then Ben? Your family or the group of murderers?"

"No one, not really."

"You can't play both sides!" Rey exclaims, jumping to her feet and stalking towards him. "You can't decide who you want to follow one day, than turn your back on the next. You-you can't do that! That's not how this works!"

Ben stands to his full height, ready to meet her head on. "How would you know how _this_ works? What in your life have you ever been conflicted about? Confused over? Debated the whole point of your life over?"

"Oh, is it Ben Solo pity time? I was wondering when we'd make it to this portion of the conversation."

His face twists in anger. "You can be so vicious sometimes." He seethes.

"Good," She snaps back and angles her head up at him. He's so damn tall but her anger makes up for her lack in inches. "Cause someone had to tell you to shut the hell up sometimes."

"And that mouth," He continues, "So damn filthy for a woman of your station."

Rey's hand slaps him on its own accord. It swift and hard and the sound echoes in the silent air around them.

Ben doesn't look shocked as he turns his head back towards her, but he doesn't look less angry either.

"Why should I trust you?" Rey whispers.

"You," Ben answers, slowly and deliberately, "Are the only person who should trust me. No one else."

The question throws her off. Her body sways slightly away from him, though her footing remains firm. "What do you mean?"

"I left the First Order to come back home. My family believes it was to warn them. The First Order believes it was to capture you. I was there for you, yes, but to protect you. Nothing more, nothing less. I wasn't helping or hurting my family or the First Order. But then my damned Uncle left you, and then you left the estate, and I didn't have the pretense of not being able to get close enough to you anymore. That day you came to my manor was bad enough but fortunately I hadn't been being watched at that point. But when you left to see Maz for whatever damn reason, and I couldn't pretend anymore. They were watching and I needed to move."

"You killed Poe." Rey whispered, sad and angry all at once.

He at least looked guilty at that one. "That was…unfortunate."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"You involved him in this Rey. I never wanted-"

"Don't you dare blame me! You-you trying to paint yourself as some kind of _hero_ here as you _play both sides_ in the name of what? Protecting me?"

"I'm not a hero. I never said that and I don't believe it anymore then you do."

Rey shook her head, not wanting to even touch that path of conversation with a ten foot stick. "So, just so we're on the same page here, you're aware of the prophecy. That I'm some light and you're some dark?"

Ben nodded his head.

"So how does that fit into this? If you're the dark Ben, then how I am meant to believe you're watching out for me? That you're not truly on the side of the First Order?"

"Rey…" His hand rose up, and Rey gasped soundlessly when it cupped her cheek. Her body froze as a onslaught of memories came upon her. She hadn't touched Ben, nor had he touched her, in so long. She hadn't realized how much she ached for the contact until it was right here, reminding her how it felt.

"I love you," Ben said simply, freely, like it was the easiest and most uncomplicated thought on the planet. That Ben Solo loved Rey Skywalker was as obvious as the sky being blue, of the grass being green. That they weren't two opposing forces in a prophecy, in a war. That it was just him, and her, and love between them.

That a year of him being gone didn't occur. That the painful encounter in the library had been nothing but a terrible dream. That, once upon a time, he declared feeling the exact opposite to her.

How could he say this to her now? How could he possibly dare?

 _How?_

It killed her to do so, but Rey pulled back. His fingers curled into themselves as they slid off her cheek, and a haggard breathe past his lips. "But you didn't want me," Rey said solemnly. "You left me."

"I always wanted you." Ben argued. "I still want you. But this isn't about what I want. We couldn't be together then, Rey, and we can't be together now."

To asked _why_ was right at the tip of her tongue but she restrained herself. Yes, a selfish part of her was desperate to know why Ben still believed the two of them being together was impossibility. Right now, though, was not the time to divulge in such personal (and painful) matters. "Then what is the point of all this?" Rey exclaimed "You capturing then saving me?".

"Because despite all that I don't want you dead! Don't you understand? Snoke wants you, Rey, to _destroy_ you. You're the light and the biggest threat to his reign."

Rey shook her head. "But if you work for him then how can you possibly protect me?"

Ben shrugged helplessly. "Figuring it out as I go."

"You're insane."

"Can't argue with you on that one."

"But you helped me escape Ben. You can't possibly go back to the First Order now."

"Let me worry about them."

"So what, you want to come with me now? To go find your parents and Luke?"

He pinched at the bridge of his nose. "Rey, all you need to know is that I look out for myself, no matter what. And you, I'll always look out for you. So if our family is the best option right now, then yes, I want to go with you to find them."

"Well this isn't at all confusing."

"I know."

"And I still don't trust you. Or forgive you for Poe. Or for everything- _everything-_ that has happened between us."

"I know."

"Good, just so that's clear. I'll lead you to where our family is but Ben, if you betray me again, I'll kill you."

She wasn't sure if she meant and he wasn't sure either. But there was enough ambiguity in the statement to leave them both uncomfortable.

Ben just nodded his head.

Apparently that hadn't been that far from their estates. They had been on the way to Mustafar, but were taking a painfully long time to get there. Surprising, Rey observed, considering how much Ben lead her to believe Snoke wanted her.

She wondered how much Ben had a hand in delaying the trip.

The trip to D'Qar wasn't probably one of the most uncomfortable journeys of her life. She had no desire to further any conversation with Ben as they got closer and closer to the country. Not about the prophecy, Snoke, their family, the war, _them,_ anything. Any topic would lead no where pleasant.

She was having her own inner conflict about taking Ben to D'Qar to begin with. But what else was there to do? Though she didn't ask, Rey was sure that if she told Ben to leave, he would go straight back to the First Order. That was a baffling thought in itself. He had, for all purposes, betrayed them. Stolen the girl their leader wanted so badly. So why would he feel confident enough to return to their grasp?

That he would do such a thing left an unpleasant feeling in her stomach. Ben was, yet again, keeping something from her. Something else had to be at work that Ben could switch sides as freely as he did. To work in his family's interest one day, and then the First Orders another. Why either group was putting up with it was another baffling thought.

Something was going on that Rey could not see and Ben, apparently, was in no humor to confide in her.

But this couldn't go on forever…right?

They stopped in villages only when they absolutely had to, and avoided all major cities. Most nights, they slept on the floor of the Earth. But others, when they found themselves in a village, they rented two rooms and took a reprieve on slightly soft beds (Certainly softer then the ground).

Still, they barely talked. Ben, it seemed, was just as reluctant as her to do so.

Though he would probably figure it out on his own, Rey never outright told Ben where they were going. Just that she would lead them to where their family was and he should be grateful for just that.

The look on his face, though, wasn't exactly that of being grateful.

Rey wondered how much truth there was in his declaration of caring only about himself and her. (Did his parents really mean nothing to him? Luke? Snoke? Hux? Anyone?) Did it not matter where he was, or who he pledged allegiance to, as long as she was alive and safe?

How could it all possibly be true considering what he had once said to her?

" _Ben!" Rey exclaimed, jumping back slightly as his figure magically appeared between the stacks of books._

 _Naturally, this was his manor and his library, he could lurk in whatever corners he wanted to. Still, he didn't have to do it so expertly._

 _Ben titled his head to the side, like he was assessing her, and Rey noticed how disheveled his look. His hair was a mess, as if he had been tugging and mussing it relentlessly, and his skin looked paler than usual. Liquor stunk terribly from his breath and, upon closer inspection, Rey noticed a steel flash poking up from his coat pocket._

" _Helping ourselves to a night cap?" She inquired lightly, feeling suddenly nervous. She didn't know why though. It's not like she never encountered a drunk Ben before. And it wasn't like there was a few good drinks from dinner coursing through her veins at the moment. But right now he was drunk, she tipsy, the night late and dark, and they alone, close together, in the quiet library._

 _Again, it shouldn't be something to have made her nervous. She had been alone with Ben loads of times before. Drunk with Ben. Up late into the night with Ben. Even very, very closer to Ben._

 _Why was now different?_

 _(Because now, for some time now, you see how handsome he is. You notice you're a woman now, with desires you never even fathomed as a child. That you never even considered an attachment to man unless that man was Ben because anyone else would simply not make sense)_

 _Rey swallowed thickly and willed the thoughts away. These were dangerous thoughts that had been plaguing her for the past months. That make her look at Ben longer than she should. Make touches between them less fleeting and innocent. Make her dress up more then she usually does to see if maybe, just maybe, he'll notice her differently than he ever has before._

 _Rey has been hoping for something between her and Ben more than she cared to admit for quite some time now._

" _Yes," He answers, and his hand fishes out his flask in seconds. "Care for a swig?"_

 _She accepts it wordlessly, and drinks a little more than she probably should._

 _When Rey goes to return it, Ben's hand covers hers and doesn't move away. The flask remains midair between them, Rey holding it and Ben holding Rey._

 _Her stomach goes a flutter. Has he noticed then? The tension between them? The shifting of their relationship?_

 _Does he dream of her as she does of him?_

" _You're wearing blue," Ben says slowly and his eyes take a long journey up and down her body. Rey hadn't bothered to change yet into her nightgown, though the rest of the house was asleep. She had been too alive for whatever reason, wanting to be about and moving and not confined to her bed. That was why she was here to begin with._

" _Yes" Rey answered, her body humming as Ben continued to gaze at her. She may have picked then dress knowing it was his favorite color. And knowing it was a neckline that plunged a little more than she usually wore._

 _Ben suddenly snatched his hand, and the flask, away from her and took two large steps back. "I've been drinking too much. I should go to bed."_

 _Rey kills whatever distance he just created. "Please don't. I can't sleep, and I tried. If you go up I'll have no one to entrain me but myself."_

 _Ben is shaking his head, though, looking like he wants to do anything but that. "I-it's late. Too late, and I-it's not a good idea Rey."_

" _Why ever not?" She might, secretly, hopefully, knows why it's not. But she trudges on. "We always keep each other company. You can't abandon me now."_

" _Rey…" He sighs but stops moving away. "What is it that you want?"_

" _To stay up with me. I'm not asking for the world here."_

" _That's not what you're asking me for."_

 _It's the truth, but it's not like she can admit to it. Or can she? Rey considers her options as she steps closer to Ben, internally pleased when he doesn't try to avoid her. Her dress sways against his legs she gets so close, and despite the darkness of the room she can perfectly see his dark orbs as she tilts her head up._

" _Ben," Rey whispers, and her hands move on their own, sliding smoothly up his chest._

 _A shuddering breath escapes his lips, and it draws Rey's attention to them in a obsessive way. She's always noticed his lips before, large and plump and perfectly pouty. But she's never had such a dire need to touch them, to feel them against her own._

 _Before she can come any closer, Ben's hands grasp her wrists, stopping their movement right at his collarbone. He doesn't pull them away, though, and Rey takes that as a good sign._

" _You don't know what you're asking." He breathes._

" _Yes, I do." She counters, moving her gaze from his lips to his eyes "I've been sure for some time."_

 _His lips curve into a smile. "So you have been torturing me. I thought it was just my imagination for so long. But tonight, that dress, the way you kept brushing against me any chance you got, I couldn't be imagining that."_

 _She grinned back. "No, you couldn't. Now Ben, if you could stop talking for just a moment."_

 _But his head ducks away from hers as she raises it._

" _It's not a good idea."_

" _It's a perfect idea."_

" _We're cousins."_

" _Don't be stupid. We both know we're not."_

" _Rey…"_

" _Ben"_

 _His eyes closed. "You don't understand." He said brokenly, so much so that Rey wondered what was plaguing him so. The idea of kissing her can't be causing such misery on his face, it has to be something else._

 _But in that moment, the only thing Rey can come up with to make him feel better is to do the exact thing he is avoiding. So she takes advantage of his closed eyes and surges forward, finally pressing their lips together._

 _Ben's lids snap open and he looks at her with shock. But he doesn't pull away._

 _It isn't Rey's first kiss (once with Finn because they had both wanted to practice, and once with Poe when the three of them had been drinking and giving each other silly dares) but she still feels inexperienced at it. Ben's surprise isn't helping either. But she lets her body take control, and on instinct her head angles and her lips nibble lightly on his._

 _That spurs Ben into action. A lot of action really._

 _Rey is being pushed back in a flurry of air and dress skirts, and before she knows it her back collides with the stack of books behind her. Ben hadn't released her writs and now pulls them high above her head, pinning them to the shelf there._

 _She gasps at every sensation each action creates, and Ben moans into her open mouth and plunges his tongue in. It isn't like any of her previous kisses. Finn's tongue had hesitantly and awkwardly brushed against hers and Poe had just deliciously sucked at her lips._

 _But it's like Ben wants to consume her. Rey is struggling to keep up but she falls prey to basking in the onslaught of pleasure consuming her body. Ben's knee has found a sweet spot between her legs and Rey's body arches against it, thrilled at the pleasure the rubbing sensation brings._

 _She thanks God this dress isn't a puffy monstrosity of endless layers._

 _Ben pulls back from her mouth and Rey whimpers at the loss, but then he is exploring down her neck all the way to her chest._

" _This dress," He groans against the skin above her covered breasts. "This dress has been killing me every second since you walked through the door."_

" _I wore it for you," Rey whispers, eyes closed and head thrown back as she just feels Ben and everything he is doing to her. "All for you Ben."_

 _He groans again and then his hand is tugging down the neckline, uncaring of the cloth and any rip that might occur. Rey's breasts spill out a bit awkwardly, but when his lips cover one of her nipples any discomfort is completely forgotten._

 _She can't help the shout that tears up her throat. Apparently neither does Ben for he makes no comment on it but actually seems to revel in the sound. One hand releases her wrists to come down and fondle the ignored breast and again Rey makes a purely animalistic noise._

 _Thank God the house is asleep and the library relatively far away from the bedrooms._

" _Ben please," Rey begs and struggles against his hold. "Let me touch you, please."_

 _He bites at her nipple, enough to sting but the pleasure of it all outweighs it. "Love it when you say my name," He breathes against her, and the coolness of his breathe is a starch comparison to the heat of his tongue._

 _Rey whimpers and does the only thing he is currently allowing her to, rubbing her core against his knee._

 _Ben's focus snaps to that, and he stares at her movements transfixed. He presses his knee harder against her, and Rey keens at the pressure._

" _Does that feel good Rey?" He asked heatedly, and his hand squeezes harder at her breast. "Tell me. I want to hear you."_

" _Yes Ben!" She gasps, his knee and hand making her blind with pleasure. But oh how she wants to touch him. "So good. But it's not enough. I need more."_

 _Ben leans forward and kisses her, much sweeter and slower than before. "Not too much, not tonight."_

" _Why?" She whines and grinds down a little harder, hoping maybe to entice him to go against his words. It does darken his eyes but he doesn't make another move. Even the hand at her breast has slowed down to a gentle caress. "Ben, I love you."_

 _In all honesty, the words had just come out. Rey hadn't planned on saying them but she hadn't really planned on much tonigh. But here she was, kissing Ben Solo with their bodies pressed so intimately together, and she couldn't possibly not say them. Of course she loved Ben, there wasn't a doubt in her mind that she did. She'd probably loved him for a whole of her life and not truly realized it until now. The obviousness of it all made her not regret saying them a bit._

 _But the look on Ben's face did._

 _Everything stopped. Ben froze against her and the fondness and passion in his face dropped to nothingness. He starred at her for what seemed like hours, and Rey suddenly felt uncomfortable with her nakedness, with her audacity to rub her womanhood against him. She wanted to pull up her dress, flatten her skirts, and run upstairs to the safety of her bedroom._

 _What had she done wrong?_

 _Ben ripped himself away from her so quickly and Rey was slapped so hard with a wall of embarrassment…it was all too much. She was covering herself immediately, looking anywhere but him, and trying-failing-at keeping away tears._

" _Don't ever say that again." Ben ordered, harshly and unfeeling. "Do you hear me?"_

" _Why?" Rey asked, though she cursed herself for doing so. Her voice was shaking and showing every emotion she was desperately trying to hide._

" _Because I don't love you!" Ben near shouted and Rey finally let out a sob._

 _The tears cascaded down her face._

 _She tried desperately to stop them, and in the depths of her pain, found anger to latch onto. "How could you say that?" Rey demanded. "It's a lie. I know it is."_

" _You know nothing." He retorted. "What we were doing just now has nothing to do with love. Don't get confused like a silly little girl."_

" _What we were doing just now," Rey exclaimed, "We would never with anyone else-"_

 _A cruel laugh burst from his lips. "You think I've never been with anyone else? Don't be naïve Rey."_

 _A slap in the face if there ever was one. She sputtered as flames licked up her neck and into her cheeks. "T-That's not what I meant! I meant what we feel-how we feel towards each other-"_

" _Stop Rey, just stop."_

 _And so she did, and Rey wondered why she even bothered arguing to begin with. She knew the look on his face, but never before had it ever been directed at her before. It was the look Ben usually gave his father when they vehemently argued with each other, a look his mother and uncle had only occasionally ever received in his life. But not her, never her._

 _She was at a loss at what to do under the gaze of such a cruel and merciless expression._

" _I don't want you like that Rey," Ben stated. "I don't want to court you, or marry you, or fulfill any other romantic illusions you have in your head. Perhaps I wanted your body, but that was all."_

 _She couldn't shut up. She really couldn't. "How could you say that to me? How can you stand there and look at me like that?"_

 _Ben stretched open his palms in placation. "You know who I am. Better than anyone, you know the type of man I am. Do I seem like the marrying type? Like the noble type?"_

" _Yes, I know who you are. And this, right here, is not him."_

" _You're lying to yourself. I'll never be the man you want Rey. The man you-" He stopped himself, and Rey wondered what he was about to say. The man she what?_

 _But Ben just shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry to cause you such distress but…but you needed to know. Good night Rey."_

 _She didn't stop him as he passed her and left the library. She didn't have the energy to go up to her own room. Rey found the closest divan and curled onto it, and cried herself to sleep._

The month that followed had been miserable and cold. Ben and her barely looked at each other, let alone talked, and their family gatherings became tense battlefields of who could hurt who the most.

Though they tried to avoid conversation, it was sometimes impossible to when they were in a group of five. The adults, suffice to say, had been shocked by their behavior. Ben always had a mean streak to him, and was not afraid to show it, but Rey was usually safe from such malice. Now it seemed she was the only target for it.

Even Han, who got into arguments with Ben on a daily basis, was barely sparred a glance by his son when Rey was in the room.

Luke tried to talk to her, even Hand and Leia, and she assumed they were doing the same with Ben. But neither would reveal what happened between them and so nothing could be done to solve the miserable situation they found themselves in.

That is until Ben left.

Rey closed her eyes shut and sighed. She hated when her thoughts travelled down this road, it brought her nothing but unhappiness. She dared a glance to her companion, and noted how he was pointedly not looking at her.

She should stick to this no talking rule they were enforcing. It would just make it easier for the both of them. But since she took a trip down memory lane, since Ben had just confessed to actually loving and wanting her, her curiosity (and hurt) needed to be sated.

"What did you expect me to say," She inquired with what she hoped was a steady voice. "When you told me you loved me?"

Ben didn't react to her question, not visibly at least, and kept his eyes straightforward as he answered, "Nothing"

"Then why say it at all?"

"Because I needed you to understand why I'm doing this."

"I still don't understand why you're doing this."

He glanced at her. "Maybe with time, you will."

"With time, I'm apparently supposed to defeat you in some epic battle."

"We'll deal with that too then."

"Ben, stop being infuriatingly calm and nonchalant about this."

"What is it you're looking for me to say here, Rey? What words can I give that will suffice you?"

"I don't know!" She exclaimed, cursing herself for breaking the stupid rule. "It's just-God, you're so infuriating. Everything you're doing, have done, makes no sense. Before you left-when you told me you didn't love me, now you just go back on all that? Do you know how much you hurt me? How much you continued to hurt me? And now you think that's all just forgiven because what? You changed your mind?"

"No, I don't think it's forgiven." Ben mumbled. Good, he should feel guilty. "And I didn't just change my mind. Rey, how could you not...not _know_ it was all a bunch of pathetic lies?"

She whipped her head toward him. "Lies? What on Earth are you talking about?"

"Rey-"

" _Halt!_ "

The both abruptly pulled on the reigns of their horses at the shout and were immediately intercepted by a group of three men and a woman. They circled them, swords drawn by three while one carried a pistol. Aimed straight at Ben, Rey noticed wearily.

"Kylo Ren," The man with the gun spat. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Rey looked confusedly at Ben. Who on Earth was Kylo Ren?

"I come in peace," Ben said slowly and even dropped his reins to raise his hands. "No one has followed us and no one knows we are here."

"And we're supposed to just believe that?" The man sneered.

"If you don't believe me, then believe her. This is Rey Skywalker and she demands to see her father."

"Skywalker?" The woman echoed and she almost, almost, dropped her sword.

But the man seemed not to believe him. "Skywalker was captured, by _you,_ as the reports go. And now you're here with her. Doesn't sound suspicious at all."

"Look," Rey interrupted, not caring anymore for the back and forth. "I need to see my father, now. And trust me when he won't be happy to hear you were keeping me from him."

"Collins," The woman warned. "She's right. We have no orders to be suspicious of her."

"But him," The man growled and jutted his chin at Ben.

"Tie him up," Rey suggested. "Blind fold him as well. Whatever you need to do to quell your worries. I can affirm no one has followed us or is aware of our location. At least, to the best of my knowledge I can." She sent a glare Ben's way at the last part. He just frowned in return.

"Collins," The woman said again.

"Fine! Do as she says, hands tied and a blindfold. At the very least, we'll be coming home with a very important prisoner."

The others got to work immediately, and Rey felt a weird sense of karma as Ben was now the one being taken prisoner. No dark carriage for him, though, but this was at least something. And she did not feel guilty. She absolutely did not.

"I'm Jessika," The woman introduced, bringing her horse besides Rey. "Sorry for the rough introduction, but it's not every day a First Order higher up comes to your front door."

"It's fine," Rey said. "But is Luke really here?"

"He is, as well as Lord and Lady Solo. All three have been immensely worried since the news of your capture reached us."

"Please, take me to them."

"Of course, we're not too far off."

As they began to continue on, Rey couldn't help but ask one more question. "And what will happen to him? To Be-Ren." What even was his name anymore? When did it change? Why did it change?

Jessika shrugged. "It's not for us to decide. He will be at the mercy of the Republic now."


	6. Chapter 6

The headquarters in D'Qar was similar to that of Takodona. Not that it was anything close to a castle, but it was a rather impressively large stone structure, its grandeur in its size rather than height. It's top floor barely peeked above the highest tree, and the foliage around its cushioned and brushed against every wall, nestling it secretly into its alcove.

Hoards of people were bustling this way and that as Jessika brought Rey into the courtyard of the establishment, as she awed as every single soul was busy with some kind of task. The crowds reminded her of the busy streets of Coruscant, which she so vehemently hated because it made her feel so small. Even now, an insane but powerful sense of inferiority came upon her and she resisted the urge to find the nearest corner to hide.

She just didn't hate balls because of the gowns.

"Your family is this way," Jessika said as they navigated through the throngs of people. She guided her through the large open hanger of the base and towards a corridor on the left. Rey noticed the others diverged at this point, the men now directing Ben to the right.

"Where are they taking him?" She inquired, not able to shake away all her concern for the man.

"Prison cells." Jessika answered bluntly but not unkindly. As if she understood their relationship but at the same time the reality of who Ben was. "He'll be held for a while, undoubtedly questioned, and then his fate will be determined."

Rey silently nodded her head and pushed all thoughts of Ben Solo-Kylo Ren-to the back of her mind.

"Rey!"

Luke smashed their bodies together in a fierce albeit awkward hug, and Rey couldn't help but make a sound mixed between a laugh and sob. And maybe she cried. A little.

"I missed you" She whispered into the crook of his neck, squeezing her eyes shut and basking in his familiar scent. It was as if was rescuing her from Jakuu all over again.

"And I you," He murmured. Luke squeezed her a final time before pulling back, but not releasing her from his hold. His eyes took a full inspection of her, happy to find her whole and healthy and not a scratch in sight. "Maker I was so worried."

"We all were," Leia said behind her brother and then Rey was embraced by her much smaller aunt's body. She wasn't dressed in her usual attire, her modest yet regal looking dresses forgone for a much simpler pants and tunic ensemble. Braids, though, always with the braids. Over Leia's shoulder Han stood, smiling and throwing Rey a wink.

"Hey kid"

"Hey yourself."

"Glad to see you're in one piece."

"It wasn't for a lack of trying, trust me."

"I shouldn't have sent you to Maz," Luke interjected and it seemed happy reunion time was over. Rey pressed against him immediately, already knowing how much guilt had probably plagued his soul when the news arrived of her capture. She was smaller than him, but was just as capable as his warm and large hugs.

"It was a mistake. Such a mistake. I'm so sorry Rey."

"Don't be. I was going to go to Maz whether you told me where she was or not. It was nobody's fault what happened. It-the First Order, they-" The words began to fumble out of Rey's mouth as she recollected the whole occurrence. Maz, the Prophecy, Poe, Ben.

Oh Ben.

How much did they already know about his part in all of this?

"This is all such a mess," She whispered, possibly even more to herself than to the family around her. How could she possibly explain to them Ben's motivation in all this? It barely made any sense to her.

"We know," Han grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest, completely oblivious to Rey's internal thoughts. "The First Order has been wreaking havoc since your run in with them in Takodona. It seemed that was their hello to the world and now they're here to stay."

"What do you mean?"

"They've been attacking estates and cities." Leia explained carefully. "All noble families, those with titles and wealth. They've been relentless. Just when we think we can pinpoint where they are or where they are going to hit next, something changes or they do something completely unexpected. We've only managed to intercept their attacks a handful of times."

Had this- _the war_ -all been happening as she and Ben had made their way here? Her concern had been making it bake to Luke, she hadn't even considered … _Maker_ , how could she have been so stupid and naive? "What is the Republic doing about it?" Rey demanded. "It has to be something more than counter attacks."

Luke blew out a sigh. "It's complicated Rey. We underestimated how far the First Order's reach went. The Republic is stuck in negotiations on how to proceed which can only mean one thing: they were infiltrated. It's the only explanation for them not swiftly voting to eradicate these lunatics."

"And it's why we're here now," Leia stated with conviction. "We can't wait for the politicians to get their heads out of their asses. We need to act now."

Han chuckled and draped an arm over his wife's shoulder. "It's not the first time we headed a rebellion."

"So what's the plan?" Rey inquired, not needing to hear another word. If this was it, if this was her family's role in all of this, then she would stand by them one-hundred percent.

"The immediate plan," Luke smiled and placed a hand to Rey's cheek. "Is to get you washed, fed, and to bed. You need to rest Rey."

"What? No, I'm fine! Really, give me something more useful-"

"No offense kid, but you look like shit."

"Han!" "Han!" The Skywalker siblings barked.

"What? It's the truth!"

Rey honestly hadn't gotten the chance to see how she looked in ages. There had been the occasional Inn here and there but she never even spared a minute, or a thought, to stare at herself in any mirror. It had been the same thing over and over again: wash her face in whatever mediocre plumbing they had and then drop face first into bed. In the morning, get up and leave.

Who was she kidding? Rey's whole body was dragging with fatigue. Her legs were sore from the constant horseback riding, her feet blistered from the miles and miles of travel. And her stomach was trembling for a meal that didn't consist of nuts and other meager pickings.

"I…" Her mouth fell open and closed, grasping for some excuse that wasn't there. "…maybe you're right."

"Of course we are," Leia grinned. "Now come on, I'll show you to an empty room."

The plumbing in D'Qar wasn't great, but honestly, it was heaven compared to what Rey had been used too. The water was warm, for one. She rejected the help of any of the handmaidens Leia had assigned, but her arms were strong enough to pour it gloriously over her body.

A hot, spiced chicken was waiting for her when she came out and Rey ate it so fast she barely processed anything else. Even the side of vegetables and biscuits was gone within moments.

Then there was the bed, and actually soft feathered bed, and everything else feel beautifully silent and dark.

She had completely forgotten to even mention Ben.

"You think it's been long enough?"

"15 hours? It's pretty long."

"Yes, but long enough?"

"Well it's becoming a moot point with all you're talking."

"I'm just worried Po-"

" _POE!"_

Rey flung the covers off her and flew from the bed. She had heard his and Finn's voices in the deep trenches of her slumber but thought they had been a part of some kind of dream.

She had lost them both, why would they be here now?

Oh how wonderfully wrong she was.

Poe caught her with ease and embraced her body close to his. His laughter was deep, and rumbled through his body into hers, and she was torn between her own peels of it and grossly crying.

Poe wasn't dead. Poe wasn't dead. Poe wasn't dead.

Rey peeked over his shoulder to see Finn's smiling face. She couldn't let go of Poe, not yet, but her heart leapt just as joyously to see him as well. She laughed again and placed her head against Poe's chest. He had come back from the dead for her.

"How-what-how are you both _here_?!"

"Well, it took me about that night to figure out how much of an idiot I was," Finn explained rather sheepishly. He ducked his head, scratching at it, as he continued, "And I-I went to tell my mother I was leaving. It all should have been so simple but…Rey…she's…my mother," Finn closed his eyes for a moment, the happiness and embarrassment washing away to a indecipherable pain. "She's in league with the First Order."

Rey jolted. "What?"

"I honestly don't know much beyond that. She tried to tell me-to convince me-of the new order they would bring to the land. Of how people like _them_ wouldn't care if she was a woman in charge of her estate or that her only heir was some boy she adopted. That they would rid us all of-" His mouth snapped shut. "Well, I'd rather not repeat the colorful words she used."

"Finn, I'm- _Maker_ , I'm so sorry. And you still left? She _let_ you leave?"

"Of course I left," Finn exclaimed. "Oh, she tried to stop me but, in the end, there wasn't much she could do. The First Order, everything they want, it's wrong. Nothing she could say could convince me otherwise. And my mother she…." He shook his head. "I don't know if she'll ever see that."

Her heart ached for her friend. She knew quite keenly the pain the betrayal of a family member could cause. "Finn-"

"Rey, I'd rather not talk about it, okay? I'm more concerned about you at the moment."

She bit her lip to hold back a retort. She knew how much this was probably hurting her friend, Finn was a man ruled by his emotions, yet she couldn't push him.

So, time to redirect focus. "You," Rey turned towards Poe, their arms still wrapped around each other. "What the kriff happened to you? I thought you were dead!"

" _What the kriff happened to you?_ Is that all I get after the harrowing escape I performed?"

"Poe!"

He gave her a squeeze. "Maz had a secret tunnel," He explained. "Once you got out of sight, we went that way and escaped. But I didn't leave with her, Maz that is. I stayed and scoped the whole surrounding area looking for you, Rey. For any trace of you. And I eventually found the First Order-found out they had _you_." He grit his teeth in remembrance. "I had no hope of getting you back. Not alone anyway. So I came here immediately for reinforcements. Seems it was unnecessary since you saved yourself though."

"Well, that's not exactly what happened."

"Ben," Poe grimaced. "Yea, we know."

"What's happened to him?"

"He's still in lockup." Finn supplied. "Being questioned constantly. He doesn't talk much though. They say the only words he's spoken to anyone is Han and that's because he riled him up enough."

"Yea, Han would do it."

"He has…" Poe sent Finn a quick glance, looking for some silent confirmation of something. Finn merely shrugged his shoulders in response so he continued on. "Been asking for you, Rey"

"Not that you need to talk to him," Finn interjected quickly. "You don't owe him anything Rey."

"Finn,"

"Come on Poe, he's turned sides. Of course we all grew up together but he made his choice. Just like my mother made hers."

"Let me talk to him," Rey said quietly. "If I'm the only one he'll open up to, than let's do it."

Finn balked. "Absolutely not!"

"Maybe talk to Luke first," Poe suggested.

"No need, I'm already here."

The three turned their heads to the door to see Luke standing within it, his hands on his hips and a stern look on his face. He looked more the role of a disappointed parent, if anything, and apparently it was from the last bit of conversation he overheard. "Poe, Finn, if I could speak to Rey alone please."

The two men looked at her with familiar gazes. _It's too bad to be you right now_. Whenever they were young and in trouble, if it wasn't Poe's fault, it was almost always Rey's. Finn was always the one being dragged into their schemes while Ben's trouble was of a much more larger and serious scale. So when it came to this point, the inevitable scorning, there was always pity for the one who would take the brunt of it.

Lucky her.

Poe and Finn both went silently as Rey prepared herself.

"Luke-"

"No, you can not go talk to Ben."

Straight to the point then.

"You know you can't just ban me from doing it."

"Perhaps, but I at least hope to delay you."

Her eyebrow quirked up at that. "Oh, and how do you propose that?"

"By giving you something I bet you hadn't planned on. Training."

"Training?" Rey echoed.

Luke nodded. "You're going to play a important part in this war Rey, we can't have you not knowing how to fight."

"Wait, you-Luke Skywalker-actually want me-Rey Skywalker-to learn how to fight?"

"Try not to act so smug. Besides, I know you've picked up a few things over the years. From Han especially."

She shrugged. "Guilty."

"Well, now get ready to properly learn. Everything."

"Everything?" She asked suspiciously.

"Everything I have to offer."

Well, it was definitely a opportunity she could not turn down. Luke Skywalker, _the_ Luke Skywalker, hero of the war against the Empire, fear of villains all over the land, personally offering to train her? Rey sent him a glare. "This isn't fair."

Luke shrugged. "All is fair in war." He paused. "Well, actually, no not always. Forget I said that."

Rey laughed. "Fine, train me. But you're right, you're only delaying me. I will talk to Ben eventually."

"Rey, I'm not doing it to be cruel. To either of you. I love you both so much, I'm just trying to protect you both. Just let Ben be for now, he's not going anywhere. He's being watched, being kept away from the First Order, and being stopped from doing any more harm to others and himself."

"But that girl-Jessika? She said he'd be tried by the Republic."

Luke frowned. "Yes, it might come to that."

"Then what hope does he have? I'm not even sure what he's done so awful yet, though everyone keeps saying he's this terrible person. This _Kylo Ren_."

"It's because no one knew," Luke explained slowly. "That Kylo Ren and Ben Solo were one in the same. It was a secret up until recently. We've had reports of Kylo Ren for months now. He's been responsible for villages being wiped from existence, rumored to be the cause of mysterious deaths of nobles. He's close to Snoke, one of his most trusted followers. We never knew-never even suspected…" Rey saw Luke's hands begin to tremble. She had forgotten, in his quest to so reverently protect her, that he loved Ben as well. That this betrayal-just like her-was hurting on such a deep and incurable level.

"How did you find out then?" Rey asked quietly.

His sad blue eyes found her. "He revealed himself when saving you of course."

Rey lost herself in training.

It was easier to do that than think about Ben. Easier than having to hear the endless waves of news that poured in every day of the battles raging the land. War had finally come, and while Rey was eager to fight in it, she knew she wasn't ready.

So she felt so useless every time she heard about the body count that kept rising, the villages that kept being ransacked, and the horrors that kept befalling innocents.

So Rey kept practicing. Kept training. Listened to Luke even when his teachings grated her. Meditated when she wanted nothing more but to further her skills with a blade or her fists. She valued the importance of wisdom, even when her mind kept wandering to that of physical prowess.

At least Luke was understanding in her constant shifts of focus.

Han helped sometimes, when he wasn't off on some mission they more often than not told her about. His ways of fighting were quite different from Luke, completely different actually, but Luke said they were just as important (though, maybe to be turned to as a last resort). Han's tactics were quick and to the point, lacking finesse or any prior thinking or planning.

" _Always worked for me in the past" He explained with a wink._

Rey knew about some of those stories, the ones her family always like to reminisce late at night over a large bottle of liquor.

The tales of adventure and bravery used to enthrall Rey so much. They made her jealous- _desperate_ \- for some of her own. Yet here she was, already having some "adventure" under her belt with the promise of more to come.

And she couldn't remember why she had ever been so jealous.

Leia was the busiest out of the three of them. She was basically the leader of the Resistance and had to deal with that position with the existence and annoyances of both the Republic and First Order. She poked in, from time to time, but never offered more than a few reassuring words and tips. There was also always something else, an unasked question that hung at the tip of her tongue and a desperate gleam in her eyes.

But before the question could ever be asked, Leia would close her eyes and shake her head. Then she would be off, leaving the weight of the unspoken words in the room.

Rey knew she was late on her promise to go visit Ben. Her training had begun, technically, three weeks ago. Three weeks of learning about politics of the war, the battle lines, big names, and such. And that wasn't even including all the physical training.

Then there was the three weeks of every present worry. Of watching Poe leave on endless missions and not knowing if he'd ever return from them. Watching Finn train alongside her, but seeing a certain darkness-a anger-within him that had not been there before. Then there was the threat of Luke finally leaving the base. He was hero of the first war, after all, and people were expecting him to enter the fray any day now. She'd heard Leia and Han not so subtly hint to it almost every day. But he refused to until he believed Rey was good enough to be on her own-well, at least be without him. The excuse grated her to no end. She didn't need him to babysit her nor was there some shortage of teachers who could help her train. The base was full of them, constantly teaching the new recruits that came every week.

Rey almost told him so one day until Finn pulled her to the side, a chastising look on his face.

" _You're his daughter," He said in a blunt tone. "You think he wants to leave you? Staying here, staying with you, is more for his sake then yours Rey. Respect that."_

His tone had been laced with a inner anger that always accompanied Rey now a days. And speaking about this, about parents and the love they held for their children, was probably hitting a very sore spot for him. So Rey dropped it.

With all this happening, it was easy forget about Ben. Deep down in a dark selfish and cowardly part of her, she wanted to forget.

It's not like during these three weeks she didn't go looking for info about Kylo Ren. She was quite up to date with all the sins he had committed, and was horrified by them all.

But really, Rey was just prolonging the inevitable.

According to Poe, Ben still had not spoken to anyone about anything. Han had tried a couple more times to get a rise out of him, but Ben didn't make the same mistake twice. Even if his father brought him to a point of wanting to commit murder. His trial kept being pushed off, probably by Leia's doing, but also to hold out for any information he might give to Rey. Yes, unfortunately, he was still asking for her.

It was late at night when she finally decided to pay her cousin a visit.

Rey strategically picked this night because, for one, both Han and Leia were not in the station. She couldn't deal with the inevitable tirade of questions they'd bombard her with the moment she walked out of his holding cell. Luke was here, but had an agonizingly long meeting today with the war council. Whenever he met with them, he always called it an early night. The later the meeting, the earlier the bedtime. Tonight had been especially bad for her poor father. But it had worked in her favor.

Rey traveled quietly to the hanger he was being kept in and thankfully didn't run into much people. Sleep was a rare commodity now a days and it wasn't one people liked to throw away.

There were three guards who watched the Prison Wing and another two that were kept specially to watch Ben's cell. He wasn't kept in a barred caged like the others, but an isolated room that could not be looked into save the small window on the door.

Though Rey did not know the soldiers in front of the doors, they knew her. Perhaps they all have been given her picture and orders to grant her access should she ever show. They both nodded their heads in unison when she approached, and the one on left turned to type in a code on the keypad. The door then slid silently open.

Rey swallowed thickly as she looked inside. First glance, there was nothing there. Nothing but a concrete floor and equally grey wall. A light was shining somewhere to the left.

Well, now or never.

She straightened her back and marched forward, reminding herself that while Kylo Ren was in this cell, so was Ben Solo. The other man might be a mystery to her, but her cousin surely was not. She knew how to handle him at least.

The cell had no electricity save light bulb caged against the left wall. It was high, even for the tall Ben, and had a maze of bars over it if anyone was thinking to use it as a weapon. Underneath it was a simple metal bed frame, bolted into the floor. The mattress was thin and didn't look any bit comfortable, and there was one beat up pillow and a thin sheet. And there on top of it was Ben, sitting slack on the bed with his back partially against the wall.

He looked tired. His hair was disheveled, his skin paler than usual, and an emptiness in his eyes that had never been there before. Or maybe it had, maybe these were Kylo Ren's eyes.

His head tilts up a fraction upon seeing her, almost as if he doesn't see her at all.

"Mhm, I thought they had stopped drugging my meals."

Before she can think of anything else, Rey blurts out, "They drugged your meals?"

Ben waves his hand in dismissal. "Trying to get me to talk. Didn't work though, I just stopped eating and they couldn't have that. They don't want me dead, yet."

Rey finally understands. "Ben…I'm here. I'm not a dream or anything."

He blinks lazily and Rey is reminded how late she came tonight. Perhaps he had just been sleeping when she entered, and had yet to fully awake.

"Ben, wake up."

"Rey…" He tips his head back and lets out a loud yawn. "Have to be dreaming, you hate me."

Well, he isn't entirely incorrect.

Rey swiftly walks over to the bed and kicks his legs, hard.

Ben lets out a small cry of pain and his eyes snap open. Awake and angry. Good.

"Convinced I'm not a dream now?"

"I think you could have done something else to prove it."

"Yes, but that was immensely more enjoyable."

He rolls his eyes and sits a little straighter. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh really? That's all you can ask of me? You've told anyone who could listen you want to speak to me."

"Because I never thought you'd agree to it. Asking for you, giving your Resistance hope of me talking to anyone, is the only thing keeping me alive right now."

Rey hadn't considered that part of his ploy. "You think your mother isn't trying to do that as well?"

Mention of Leia brought a scowl to his face. "I don't want to talk about her."

"Well what do you want to talk about Ben? Or should I call you Kylo?"

The name brings a obvious tension to his body. But what should he feel anxious about? Isn't that the person he chose to be? Wanted to world to know him as?

"I'm….assuming, you know everything I've done?"

"Everything on public record." Rey bites out.

"Rey-"

She raises her hands up. "I don't want your excuses or explanations or anything. Nothing you could say will excuse what you've done, the people you've _hurt_."

Ben lowers his head. "I know that. It's not what I was going to say."

"Well what then?"

"I…I don't know really."

A mirthless laughs burst past her lips. "Ridiculous! This is completely ridiculous. I don't even know why I'm still here."

"Wait!"

Rey spares him a glance over her shoulder.

"Rey, you are the only one I want to talk to. Not my mother, or father, or Luke. Just you."

"What makes you think I care to hear what you have to say?"

"You want to know things about the First Order? About Snoke? Then I'll tell you…just… _stay_. Please."

And against all her better judgment, she does.


	7. Chapter 7

Ben doesn't open up as much as Rey assumed he would.

But why not? When he had begged her to stay, to be his confidant, he had made it sound as if he was ready to spill every First Order secret he had. Of course, this was Ben Solo-rather, Kylo Ren, and nothing was ever simple when it came to this man. That first night Rey had stayed and laid down some rules. She would return to his cell, on her time-not his, and only on the condition he provide her with information. She should have been more specific with what information she meant.

At first, Rey thought it was all harmless.

Ben provided the names of some First Order bases, all scattered in the West near unimportant cities and villages. One, the Resistance discovered upon arriving, had been abandoned. The second had only a handful of troops to capture, as if they were waiting for larger crowd of their companions to return. The third proved to not exactly be a First Order base, but rather a location used for trade and back alley deals. Besides the arrest of some shady vendors, that one hadn't been much fruitful.

Then Ben had tried to describe a new weapon the First Order was trying to create. As he wasn't exactly part of the militia, and worked more on his own terms with his own troops, he didn't have much intel. He just knew Hux had been excited about it, and that it promised to kill a handful of men much quicker than the usual sword or pistol. From the bits Ben provided, the Resistance was able to piece together the weapon in question, as they themselves had been trying to manufacture into existence. It was a like a canon, just more advanced, and fired several smaller canons at once, not just one large one.

The third attempt of Ben trying to be useful was when he listed the names of his closest comrades in arms. His Knights, as he called them. Coincidentally enough, Leia's spy network delivered the exact information the exact day.

It was at that point Rey finally caught onto the game.

"He's playing with me." Rey exclaimed, slamming down her mug of water.

The glass clanked loudly against the metal mess table. Across from her, Poe raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"Ben" She growled. Everyone on base had come to call him Kylo, their enemy, not their leader's son, but only the people truly close to him, Rey included, couldn't bear to utter it more than necessary. "This so called intel he's been providing, it's useless. All of it. Nothing good has come from it."

Poe considered the idea. "True, but he couldn't have exactly known that, could he?"

"He's close to Snoke and Hux, or so everyone keeps saying. He'd know if one of their bases was abandoned or a silly trading spot. And then he just happens to know about a oh so secret weapon that isn't exactly a secret? And the Knight's names-"

"He couldn't have known we'd find out about them the same day," Poe protested.

"No, be he could have known we'd find out about them _eventually._ Maybe the Knights don't even care we know their names. It's just useless information. Just like _everything_ else."

Poe's mouth opened and closed, his brow furrowing. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. "That's….actually brilliant."

"Bastard," Rey growled.

"Fine words for a lady," Poe grinned. All in good humor of course. He was quite aware of her more often than not unlady-like mouth. "But why? And why the hell did none of us notice?"

The answer to that came much quicker. "Because we didn't want too." Rey sighed. "We wanted the information to be right because we wanted Ben to…."

 _To be coming back into the light_.

Something warm and firm covered Rey's hands. She looked up to see Poe grasping her hand and giving the best smile he could. More than anyone, oddly enough, it was easy for her to let her walls concerning Ben. To be honest about the anguish and pain he was causing her. Finn couldn't understand, too blinded and angered from his own mother's betrayal. Likewise, it was hard to speak with her family as they were torn by their own conflicted feelings. But Poe, Poe understood and did not judge. He just listened, understood, and gave any comfort she was willing to take.

She was depending more on him every passing day. He was the only uncomplicated person in her life at this point.

"Want me to hold him down while you punch him?"

A laugh-more a snort-squeezed out of Rey. "Because that has always worked for you so well in the past. Ben has been bigger than you since you were both children." Bigger but certainly not as lively as Poe. So anytime the two had scuffled, and that had been more times than Rey could count, it had been always an interesting sight. As if an over rambunctious puppy was trying to pounce on a wolf.

"Yes, but we could take him. Together."

 _Together._ The last word sounded different than the light humor surrounding it. It sounded like the words he spoke so long ago- _ages ago_ -at the ball, when they had sat under the stars and he had been confessing his feelings. Then he had come with her on the trip with Maz, risked his _life_ for her. And now here he was still, comforting her, over another man no less, and doing other such selfless things when not out on the plethora of dangerous missions Leia sent him on.

Rey swallowed thickly as she met his gaze.

Apparently, his thoughts had been drifting in the same direction.

"Poe-"

But then the warmth was gone, his hand pulled away and his gaze directed down at the table. "Why don't you go talk to Ben, hm? After punching him of course."

Ben again. Always popping up into conversations, into her thoughts, even when she didn't want him to. She had just been thinking about Poe, damn it. She was sick of talking about Ben.

Not wanting to leave just yet, she lightly suggested, "You could come." That probably wouldn't go over too well, especially considering how harshly Ben spoke of Poe before.

He seemed to think the same thing. "No, that's okay. You're the one who gets him to sing, not me. But I'll find you later, okay? We can have dinner with Finn."

Part of her wished Finn wouldn't come. That he'd be busy doing something or another, training or perhaps actually getting ready to go on his own mission for once. But then she felt guilty. Finn was having just as rough a go as her since all this had happened. It wasn't fair to wish him to be alone just so she could spend more time with Poe.

"Of course."

* * *

"So, I'll give you one chance. After that, I won't be so polite."

Ben cocked his head to the side, regarding her with a weary curiosity. He was sitting on his bed, back against the wall, as per his usual position whenever she visited. He rarely got up when they spoke, and she didn't dare to move closer to him. Who knows what results a closer proximity would have.

But right now, Rey was thinking Poe's suggestion to punch him was looking more and more appealing.

"Care to give me some inclination as to what you're referring?"

"You're help," She chirped, falsely cheery. "All the great information you've been graciously providing the Resistance since giving yourself over."

No more curiosity. Now a frown.

"Rey-"

"Don't Rey me. Explain, now."

"I haven't been lying to you," Ben insisted, leaning forward and pinning her with his gaze. "I told you I wouldn't do that."

"But you're not helping either! The information you're giving is useless!"

"Well, you never specified _what_ kind of intel I had to give you. Just that I had to give it."

Rey slammed her foot down on the ground like a petulant child. And damn him for making her actually feel like one. " _Why_ Ben? You know this wasn't what I had in mind. What _no one_ had in mind. You may not have lied but you tricked me all the same. You think this is all some game? People are _dying_!"

Ben's shoulders slumped as he leaned back again, looking so tired as he did. "I'm well aware."

"Then why?"

"If I did actually tell you something useful, Snoke would know, he would-" Ben's eyes closed, as if an awful memory was taking hold him. Awful, and painful. A tremble ran through his large but hunched form, and it not only tugged at his bones but Rey's heart as well. Before, she had never really considered Ben held any ill will towards the mysterious Snoke. All she had thought-assumed without him correcting her, was that he was faithful to Snoke, in league with his leadership and ideas. But this-this _scared_ Ben was telling a much different story.

"You don't know what he's capable of." He finally whispered. His eyes remained closed.

Against her better judgment, Rey took a step forward. But she would not do anymore to comfort him. She would not! "You're not with him anymore, Ben. You're here, with us, far away from his reach."

"For now," He corrected. "I'm away for now."

"What, are you planning on escaping anytime soon?"

"No, but Rey," Ben looked to her imploringly. "What of you? Of my parents? Uncle Luke? Perhaps I'm stuck down here, but you all are certainly not. He doesn't need me to hurt me."

"I'm not afraid of him." Rey declared.

The stubborn statement caused Ben to smile. "Of course you're not. But that doesn't make you safe."

"Ben, you said you wanted to protect me. Well that's not going to happen as long as the war rages on. As long as Snoke lives. We need to end it and him, and then I'll- _everyone_ , will be safe."

"It's not Snoke you're prophesied to defeat Rey."

That damned prophecy.

She rued the day she ever learned about it. That she was the Light and Ben was the dark, the two destined to battle with her coming out as the victor. She was well aware, painfully aware.

"What is it you believe then? That as long as _you're_ alive I'm in danger?"

Ben shrugged helplessly.

"Don't be foolish," Rey snapped and retreated back to the door. How foolish to have walked far from it to begin with. "You wouldn't hurt me. You proved that already."

"As you said, the war rages on. And war changes people."

Rey froze, her hand grasping the handle. It was cold in her hand, or perhaps that was just her skin. "Is that a threat, Ben?"

There was a beat of silence.

"I hope to the Maker it's not, Rey. I really do."

* * *

"You're sheltering her again, Luke. This can't go on."

Rey froze.

She had just been about to open the door to the quarters Luke was staying in when Leia's voice drifted through the cracks.

Han's voice followed after her. "She's right, kid. Rey is a part of all this, whether you like it or not."

"I hate when you call me that." Luke grumbled. But then his annoyance shifted to worry. "It's all so uncertain. I can't be sure that Rey-"

Leia scoffed. "Is what? Prepared for it? No of us are ever prepared for it, whatever _it_ is. We still do it."

"Forgive me, sister, if I'm not completely sold on your parenting advice."

Even Rey's stomach flipped at the blatant insult. Though the Skywalker siblings often bickered, they never truly ever disagreed about certain matters. Serious ones at that. For them to be so against each other now….

"Watch it Luke," Han warned.

"You know I love you both. And Ben as well. But you can't deny his upbringing left something to be desired."

"We tried our best-"

"Han, pelase."

"No, Leai, I'm not going to stand here and listen-"

"You let Ben do as he wished," Luke argued. "Even when you disagreed with it, you still let him do it. And now look at him."

Rey did not stay to hear the rest. That was possibly the last conversation in the world she needed to hear after the one she had just had with Ben.

Her feet moved without another thought.

Rey had been wondering why she had yet to leave to Resistance base and go on her first mission.

Luke kept telling her she needed training. Until now, she had agreed with him. But it seemed he had been tricking her as well. Another man deeming her in danger and need of saving. Whether she was aware of it or not.

It wasn't fair.

Luke wasn't fair. Ben wasn't fair. The prophecy wasn't fair. And she wanted oh so much to do something about it, all of it. But it was as if she kept getting stopped in some way. Blinded, turned around, confused as to what was truly going on.

Her fingers curled into a fist.

She should have punched Ben when she had the chance.

Before Rey knew it, she was in front of another door and bursting in, not even bothering to knock. She didn't want to hear any other hushed conversations. Especially ones concerning her.

Poe was laying down causally on his cot, a book poised in his hand. He had been turning a page, but froze upon seeing her. She must have looked like a mad woman. Her face twisted in anger, cheeks red, and hair probably a bit in disarray. She had been near running to his room, after all.

"Rey?" He straightened up, sliding the book to the side, and swung his legs over the bed. He looked as if he was going to get up to receive her, but she was rushing forward before he could, making sure he remained seated.

When her knees brushed against his own, Poe frowned. Not exactly upset, but defiantly uncertain.

"I'm having a bad day," She whispered, looking into his eyes. For what, she did not know, but she looked all the same.

He nodded. "I figured."

"I…" Lips dry, she licked them. A burst of warmth tickled her skin as she watched Poe follow the action. "I just want to not think for a while."

It was more than that, of course. But she could muster the courage to tell him. She hoped he would know that, or at least have some inclination.

"Rey," Poe angled his head toward her. Well, that was something at least. Certainly not a rejection. "Now isn't the best time, I realize that. And if-if you're just upset-"

"I am upset. But…but it's more than that. It's…"

 _You're not lying to me. You're not tricking me, hiding things from me, thinking you know what's best for me. You're not trying to navigate my life because you know that's my responsibility._

"It's you, Poe."

It wasn't enough of an explanation, but somehow, in that moment, it was all Poe needed.

His hands grasped her hips and he surged up, pressing their lips together without another's moments preamble.

It wasn't like when Ben kissed her.

 _NO._

Damn her to hell for thinking about him even for a second as she kissed Poe. Rey banished him from her mind, and her heart, and focused on nothing but the man right in front of her.

Rey allowed her hands to slip around his neck, tugging him closer. Poe went obligingly, deepening the kiss and dragging their bodies even closer together.

His lips were soft but earnest, his hands seeking but not unbecomingly. It was a burst of warmth all over, heating her blood and making her head dizzy with want and pleasure. She hadn't remembered feeling so light in months, maybe years. Rey's mind was pleasantly empty and heart beating without any restraint, and Poe wanting every bit of it just as much as her.

He pulled back, though she tried to chase him, and chuckled. "There's plenty of time for that."

"There's time _now_." Rey complained and instead kissed at his cheek.

"Luke would cut me to ribbons." Poe protested and then proceeded to gently detangle himself from her. "Han too. Even Leia. It's really just too long a list."

"Coward."

"Absolutely."

She smacked him on the chest. "Fine. But I believe you promised me some dinner."

"And I always keep my promises. Especially to pretty ladies."


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note:** So, ah, not dead and have not abandoned this fic (weakly shrugs shoulders?). I'm sorry guys, I kind of lost my creative juices for this story on top of teaching/taking classes but I don't want to send it to the graveyard just yet. If you're willing to bear with me (which I know is a big request at this point), I have every intention of finishing this in a much much more timely manner.

* * *

Rey lost herself in training.

In Poe.

In this godforsaken war.

It was easier to focus on these three things than anything else. Because, honestly, everything and everyone else around her she couldn't bear to deal with for another second.

Ben had become something of a mute. Once Rey had revealed she was well aware what game he was playing, it seemed there was nothing more he wanted to offer up to the Resistance. He didn't even want to talk to Rey anymore. Not that she felt much obliged to visit him after learning the truth. He spent his days quiet and sullen, sitting down in his cell and reading whatever literature his mother gifted him with.

Rey had also distanced herself from Luke after learning he was just humoring her with "training". She stopped asking for missions, knowing it was useless at this point. Luke trumped whatever voice of reason called out for her to be let free, even Han and Leia. So she kept up with her training, preparing herself for whatever the future had to hold, but did so without the help of her foster father.

Even Finn became a distant figure in the background of her life. His mother's betrayal and his consequent flight from home was troubling him more deeply than anyone expected. It was like a weight on his shoulders he couldn't shake off, making him into a twisted form of anger and sadness that was obsessed with going from one mission to the next. Rey supposed if she was actually allowed to do the same, she'd be just as focused on completing one task just to receive another. Sometimes, when she actually stopped for a minute to think- _to feel_ \- guilt sunk sharp claws into her back. Finn was her best friend yet she distanced herself from him, letting him deal with his demons on his own. Poe tried, he always tried, and Rey saw and pretended not to. Finn would humor his friend, listening to whatever he had to say, but didn't provide much feedback of his own in the conversation. More often than not their interactions would end with Finn giving a curt nod and abruptly walking away.

Han and Leia even proved to be thorns in Rey's side. She hated to think of them that way- _she loved them_ -but their love for Ben was clouding their judgment on properly treating Rey. While Ben had chosen to stop speaking to Rey, she was still the only person he would not be actively angry and antagonistic too. In their eyes, that meant there was still hope for their son, but it was a hope only Rey could help foster and grow. They couldn't see how much Rey needed to stay away from Ben, how the mere mention of his name made her heart drop and her brow furrow. Perhaps this was how Finn felt as constantly let his mother's choices haunt his every breath. Rey had to assume her way was better, ignoring it all and locking it up in a dark vault within her heart and mind.

Poe was her only salvation. His easy demeanor. Easy smile. Handsome face. Soft touches. Gentle kisses. Kind and funny words. The way he could make her heart light and her mind forget everything else. She could breathe without any guilt or burdens pushing down on her lungs. Could let her eyes close and not be haunted by the people she was trying to avoid.

She liked when his hand would brush against her cheeks, tug playfully at her buns, and lift her up by the hips when she was in his way.

They were in valley outside the base, not too far away to be on alert but far enough for some privacy. Rey, in her leggings and tunic, was stretched out on the lush green grass, angling her face toward the sun and basking in its rays.

She couldn't see but feel Poe's fingers tracing the skin along her face, his touch feather light like a butterfly. Down her cheek, around her chin, up her nose, and then across her brows. Over and over again. Sometimes they would brush against her lips, making Rey's heart pound, but it happened so quick she knew he was teasing her.

" _Poe_ " Rey whined when his touch disappeared all together. She cracked an eye open to see him grinning down at her, head propped up on his elbow.

"Yes, my lady?"

"Don't my lady me."

"Feisty this morning."

"That was relaxing."

"Was it now?"

"Why must you always be so infuriating?"

"It's a specialty of mine."

She hugged and slapped at his chest. Poe caught her hand easily, bringing up to his lips to press quick kisses along her knuckles.

"Rey?"

"Hm?"

Her eyes were closed again but she could feel the sudden air of nervousness that overtook Poe. His hand, still holding her own, was unconsciously tightening and untightening and Rey could already envision the tick of his jaw.

"I know this conversation may be…early. But considering everything going around us, we might not have the opportunity to talk about it later."

Rey looked up at him, curious. "Talk about what?"

His mouth opened and closed, and Rey would have wiped away the lines of worry creasing his brow if he still wasn't holding onto her hand. "I wish to marry you, Rey."

 _Oh_.

"Now, I'm going to properly ask you, I swear it, but I just wanted to make you aware of my intentions."

"Poe, I…" Rey didn't know what to say. Truly. Her mind was blank but not blissfully so when she was usually with Poe. This blankness was oppressive, scary, and making her sweat suddenly. She needed to say something, she knew she did, but Rey's mouth couldn't even open to puff out air.

Yes? No? Thank you? How sweet of you? I don't know?

"Should I be nervous?" Poe chuckled, but Rey could see the way he forced it. "You are uncharacteristically quiet."

"I…" Again, nothing. Rey was staring at him, terror clawing up her throat. The more seconds passed the more she knew how awful she was being. How awful Poe was feeling.

Poe dropped her hand. "I'm sorry-"

"No, no, I just-I don't know what to say-"

"You don't?"

They were both sitting up right now, starring at each other.

"Rey, I never once doubted my feelings for you. I've know you practically my whole life. I've envisioned you as my wife for so long."

Rey wish she could say the same. It's not like she hadn't gotten a little swoony over Poe throughout the years, every now and then, but it had never developed into anything larger or stronger than a crush. How could it when her heart had always beat for Ben.

 _Ben._

The traitorous name and face, now called upon, would not go away. Rey swallowed thickly as her hesitance seemed to make sense now. Stupid infuriating Ben. She wasn't over him yet. No matter how much she hated him at the moment or ignored him, he still held a place in her heart she could not banish but only ignore.

"Don't you have any inclination of how you feel for me? What you hope for us?" Poe continued, oblivious to the truth of the matter. "I'm not some suitor you just met at a ball."

No, he was not, and Poe deserved the truth from Rey.

"I love you Poe," Rey answered honestly. "But I-"

An explosion in the distance stopped her words and grabbed both their attention.

It came from the base.

Poe and Rey were on their feet and running in an instant. Rey already had her staff drawn as well as Poe. They always brought them with them when leaving the base. And it was the right choice. For as they got closer they saw it.

The First Order.

They were here. They found the base. And they were attacking.

It had all gone so wrong so quickly.

Rey shouted to Poe to stay with her, and he had, and the two started cutting down as many solider they could. But it was mayhem. So many First order soldiers. So many Resistance soldiers. Attacking. Shouting. Killing. Bodies running. Bodies dropping.

And the black ilk of smoke staining the air was making it hard to see let alone breathe.

Rey's mind was focused on finding her family. Luke. Finn. Han and Leia. One of them, at least, to appease a bit of the dread suffocating her.

 _She had been ignoring them and now this._

But getting inside the base was proving impossible. It was too far. Too much fighting to get passed. Where one solider fell another seemed to appear. And the explosions kept going off. Left, right, pounding her ears and burning her lungs.

Rey needed to stop for a second, just to catch her breath, and it was then she noticed Poe was no longer at her side.

She looked around frantically, screaming his name, but couldn't make him out in any of the crowd.

Now panic set in.

Rey was alone. She was too far away from the base. But now, she saw it, people were _evacuating_ , not staying. Her family would no longer be there. Where was she to go now? How could she find anyone in this mess?

A soldier lunged for her but Rey easily fought him off, swiping at his legs before plunging her staff into his chest. Blood ruined his white uniform, some it squirting out and splashing Rey on the face. She didn't even have the sense to wipe it off.

And then a familiar face showed itself.

Rey's dread only increased.

Ben.

He had somehow escaped. Or someone had set him free. Was this what this was? A rescue mission? Did Snoke see Ben as a valuable possession?

Rey scolded herself. Of course he did. Snoke believed in the prophecy and he believed Ben to be the darkness in it, he would rescue him no matter what.

White soldiers flanked Ben as they marched away from the base. They killed every Resistance fighter they crossed paths with, Ben killing without a moment's hesitation.

Rey hated him. Hated herself. Hated it all.

She was running toward him before she even realized it.

"Rey, no!"

A body jumped in front of her, killing her momentum and halting her anger, if only for a second.

"Rey, we need to go. Please."

Luke. Luke was here, alive, looking worse for wear and bloody but still standing. His saber was clutched tightly in his hands, soaked in as much blood as her own weapon. Rey looked at it numbly, then back to her foster father. His blue eyes were wide with fear, she could tell, but stone cold determination masked it.

"Ben…" She looked over his shoulder, seeing her faux cousin was getting closer. Closer to attack. To kill.

Could she kill Ben?

"No, leave him be. There's too many of them, Rey, we can't win this."

"We can't let him get away."

"We have to. Leia has already lead the retreat. Han and I are staying behind to save as many people as we can but only for so long. _You_ need to leave now."

Commands. Again. Telling her what to do. Again.

Rey gritted her teeth and clenched her staff tighter. She didn't move an inch.

"Rey," Luke growled. His patience had run its course. "I'm not asking."

"Rey!" Poe was back, appearing from the smoke of the fray and skidding to a stop at her side. His hand flashed out to squeeze her shoulder, assuring himself she was alive. "Thank God. I lost you, I thought-I was so scared-"

"The two of you need to go now. West, into the forest. Keep going till you hit a river then follow it north to a cave-"

"No," Rey breathed. "No, I'm not going. I'm facing him."

"Rey, now is not the time-"

" _I_ am the light that will defeat the dark, _not you_." Rey spat, crueler than she had intended. She held no stock in the prophecy and verbally had said so before, but right now, for some odd reason, it was the only thing she could think of. Ben, his darkness killing those around him, and here was Rey-so close to stopping him if only Luke would just move….

Poe's hand squeezed firmer. "Rey, he's right. We should go, please-" His face has gotten closer to her, his words hot wind against her ear.

And this was when Ben finally saw her.

Poe holding her, whispering in her ear, the two close-almost intimate.

Rey saw all he was seeing. And what an idiot he was to think this was a kriffing good time to be _jealous_. They were blood soaked, lifeless bodies littered around them, and stupid Ben Solo believed he was witnessing a moment of romance.

Idiot.

Rey was ready for his fury before it showed itself on his pale face.

" _Luke move!"_

Rey shoved the old man to the side and raised her staff, meeting Ben's sword as it came down.

Metal clashed on metal, loud and heart stuttering.

 _Maker._

Would he have killed Luke?

Rey had no time to ponder it as Ben pushed her away and then went for Poe. He met his attack with another terrible sounding clang and then the two began to duel. Ben was pushing Poe farther away from Rey who, in the meantime, took on the guards at Ben's side. Luke recovered and quickly coming to her aid.

"Ben, stop this!" Luke shouted as he knocked the blunt end of his blade against the side of a guard's head.

The words fell on deaf ears. Ben was snarling at Poe, blind and a slave to his bitter emotions. It made his fighting more lethal. He looked enormous as he battered at Poe, without any thought or abandonment, with his hair matted on his face and his muscles vibrating with every attack.

Rey's heart stuttered when Poe's foot caught against a rock, making him falter and giving Ben an opening. He rammed his knee into Poe's ribs, knocking the air and a pained gasp out of him, and then elbowed his falling face in the nose.

Rey was rushing to them as she saw red pour from Poe's nose, wordlessly leaving Luke to deal with the last guard that had been trying to flay her with duel daggers. Rey bodied Ben's side as he was trying to raise his sword and deliver a killing blow, but he was so much larger than her it only accomplished in making him stagger about an inch to the right.

"Leave him alone!" Rey snarled, taking a defensive stance in front of a now kneeling Poe.

"Protecting your _lover_?" Ben hissed, raising his sword but not making any other attempt to attack her. They stood, facing off but not moving, anger gnarling both their features. "Typical Rey."

"Shut up!"

"He's who you've been spending all your time with, no? How goes your little _courtship_?"

Where had the Ben gone that told her he loved her but expected nothing? Quiet, reserved, and accepting his feelings but also to fate that did not include her? Had Rey misinterpreted how Ben had been spending his time in isolation? What had the darkness done to him as he sat alone in his cell?

What had she done to him by staying away?

"Ben, stop this." Rey allowed some pleading to enter a tone, if only to appeal to the part of him that claimed to love her.

"Too late, Rey. I warned you. He's come for me and I must answer his call."

Snoke.

"No, you don't, Ben." Luke slowly approached them. His eyes darted between the two, weary of making any sudden movement but keeping his weapon firm in his hand. "Abandon Snoke. Leave the First Order."

Ben glared at his uncle. "You make it sound so easy."

"We can help you." Luke insisted.

" _Help?_ Don't lie to me. I know what you wanted to do with me, _Uncle_. Feed me to the wolves, forget your troubles, and hope I'd become some ugly distant memory. That's how you wanted to _help_ me, isn't it?"

Rey wondered who in the Resistance had been speaking to Ben, telling him about the going-ons of his family while he was locked away. A traitor, apparently, was in their midst. Or worse. What evil magic had reached Ben's ears and blinded his judgment.

Luke frowned at the truth spat in his face. "I was scared," He admitted, his voice cracking a bit. "Scared for Rey. What you would do to her."

Ben laughed something awful. "Funny, I was afraid for her being around you, too."

Luke's face hardened in a second. "How dare you. I would never-"

"Hurt her? Just like you would never hurt me? What would you do, Uncle, to end this war? What dark path would you go down if it meant a quick victory? Kill your own daughter?"

Rey looked at him, outraged. How could he even suggest such a thing? Luke would never!

"Never," Luke swore.

"Liar," Ben snapped. "I've felt your thoughts, what dark places they brush against when you're weak and desperate."

"Enough Ben," Rey growled and took a step toward him. "This is nonsense."

"I can teach you, Rey. How to know what I know. Feel what I feel. We both can do it, with the Force."

Rey was done listening to his ramblings. Madness had obviously overtaken Ben in that cell. He was spewing delusions, spiteful words and thoughts to hurt those who he believed hurt him. And Rey was done humoring him.

She lunged.


	9. Chapter 9

" _Rey!"_

It's soft. White. Clean smelling.

 _Ben goes left. Rey darts right. Wind busses against her cheek where his blade narrowly misses._

Rey's eyes won't open for some reason. They're too heavy. She's too sleepy.

 _Dirt flings form the ground as they feet move wildly against it. Rey spits some out of her mouth. Red comes out as well._

Her fingers twitch against the softness. A bed? A quilt? Both, it's both.

 _Rey screams in frustration when Ben, again, dodges her blow. Neither of them have managed to touch either. Yet._

Rey's lips crack open. Maker, they're dry. And her breath is horrid. She still doesn't know what's going on.

" _Rey!" Luke screams again. But he's so far away. They've gotten so far away. There's only Ben now. He's all she can see._

Her eyes are still too heavy to move but fear is creeping up her back. She doesn't know where she is. What happened. There's flashes. Luke. Poe. Darkness. Blood. Swords.

Ben.

 _Their blades clash together and stay there, both too strong and stubborn to break apart. To give in. To admit defeat. It makes them come close. Rey can count the moles on Ben's face. He can see every droplet of sweat that roles down her skin._

Life comes slowly, grudgingly, back to Rey's limbs. It hurts, of it hurts, but she lifts her arms. Slides her legs against the bed. Wiggles her toes. Everything still present and intact, though screaming out with soreness.

" _Yield." Ben hisses through clenched teeth. The muscles of his arms vibrate with as much tension as her own._

" _Never." Rey spits back._

Finally, she cracks open an eye. First left, then right. It's blurry. And bright. Mixes of white and grey, and some flashing red. It hurts. She feels dizzy. Nothing is making sense.

" _Are you going to kill me, Rey?"_

 _She hates him for asking. "What choice have you left me?"_

" _There is still the choice to join me."_

" _That's not a choice. Not even close to one."_

 _Their swords are screaming, the spine splitting sound of steel scraping against each other._

 _This can't last much longer. Though they may be equal in swordsmanship, Ben's strength greatly outweighs her own._

She's remembers his eyes. So dark. Angry. Desperate. Imploring. Ben had wanted to fight her as much as he wanted to embrace her. Rey saw the dueling emotions as they faced off. Hated that he was still so conflicted. That he still made her feel so conflicted. 

_Rey's arms are going to give in. She knows it. So does Ben. He seems to push even harder against her with the knowledge._

" _Are you going to kill me, Ben?" She echoes the same question at him._

 _His lips thin._

 _After a second, a minute, a year, he replies. "Never."_

 _Rey breaks their hold, twirling as she bends down to avoid his large frame._

The colors start to solidify. The dizziness slows. Rey is blinking sup, straight ahead, too afraid to move her head too much. It's throbbing with a nasty headache. And she's afraid. Afraid to see what mess she's gotten herself into.

 _Ben tumbles forward and Rey gets some distance between them._

" _Rey!"_

 _Another shout from behind her. But she can't recognize it. Everything is too loud. Too fast. She can't turn her back on Ben to look._

 _Ben regains his footing and turns on her with fire in his eyes, but does not move closer._

" _It's over Rey."_

A painful gasp escapes her mouth.

Oh, now she remembers.

The attack on the base. The retreat. The anger that lit her blood aflame.

Ben.

Rey should have listened to Luke. To Poe. To reason. The base was being overrun. It was only a matter of time before First Order soldiers stormed the surrounding outside. Ben hadn't need to defeat her. He just needed to stall her.

Soldiers, hundreds it seemed like, who knows, all around her. Bow and arrows, ready. Swords in their hands.

Their duel was over.

Rey, finally, had looked around as the cloud of darkness that overtook her lifted. Luke and Poe were nowhere to be found.

Rey feels tears of frustration burn at her eyes.

" _Rey," Ben raises his hand up, offering it to her. "Come with me. Please."_

 _She hopes he didn't expect her to actually consider the offer._

 _Rey lunges, her scream the last thing she hears. Ben's eyes widening the last things she sees._

 _Then it all goes black._

Now she's here. On a bed. In what looks like an infirmary.

Rey chances a glance to her left, where machines are beeping and whirring.

Movement makes her squeak, but it's just a droid, flitting around her body taking vitals.

"Where am I?" She asks.

The droid ignores her.

She tries to get up, but a quick wave of pain in her skull has her collapsing back onto her back.

The door on the far side of the room slides open, and then Ben is striding through it.

He is not worn and weary like she had last seen, the remnants of battle washed from his being. His hair is kept, as much as it can be, and there is no sweat or blood splattered on his skin.

His eyes find her with a flash of relief.

She snarls art him.

Ben sighs at the response, and orders the droid away.

"You're awake."

"Obviously."

"Rey-"

"Where am I?" She demands.

"An infirmary. You had some wounds from the battle, and a blow to the head."

The darkness that had suddenly overtook her. Someone, or thing, had hit her. Hard.

"What happened?" 

Ben's jaw clenches. "A mistake." 

Rey would laugh if she had any humor left in her. "Is that what you call it? One of your soldiers _mistakenly_ hitting me in the head? Are they outside waiting to apologize to me as well?"

"Could you reign in your snark for a minute?"

" _Where_ am I?" She repeats, ignoring the tell tale signs of his rising temper.

"Irrelevant, at the moment."

"The _hell_ it is. What am I? Your prisoner?"

"My _guest_ ," Ben amends hotly.

"Oh, and you my gracious host then? Do tell me, _sir_ , what acts of kindness may I expect to be extended my way? A bath? Dinner? Dancing and conversation? Perhaps you'll even throw a _ball_ in my honor. You do know how I _adore_ them."

Ben scoffs and turns from her. His body is tense, probably from holding back his own verbal tirade or the desire to throttle her. He runs a hand through his hair, ruining it per usual.

"Did you not just have me locked up and at your mercy?" He asks, back still facing her.

"So, this is revenge, then?"

"No, I didn't mean that- _Maker_ , you're infuriating."

Rey squeezes her eyes shut. Now she's the one vibrating with barely controlled emotions. "What happened to Luke? Poe?"

His shoulders tense. "Your _precious_ loved ones? You'll be happy to hear I have no idea." 

They got away. Thank the Maker for that.

"Your parents as well?"

"…yes."

He sounds bitter over it. As well as relieved. Confused.

"Just me, then. How fortunate."

Ben turns back around. "Indeed. Perhaps now I can convince you of-"

"Nothing," Rey interrupts with a snarl. "I will not see your side. You have already explained it to me and I do _not_ agree. This is pointless. You might as well kill me now."

"I'm just a murderous monster in your eyes, then?"

"You've done little to prove differently."

"I tried to warn you!" Ben cries. "You and my family of fools. And what did you all do? Ignore me. You should have heeded my warnings and ran. The First Order is unstoppable."

Rey shakes her head. "You're the fool to believe that."

"What will make you see reason, Rey?"

"Nothing," She answers resolutely. "I thought you would turn, Ben. Stand with us. Your family. _Me._ " Her treacherous voice breaks on the last word.

Ben notices.

"So maybe I'm the fool then," She continues, swallowing away her misery. "And am paying for the mistake."

Ben stares at her miserably, unsure how to proceed. She will not listen to him. That is obvious. And he can not try to soothe her. She'll probably deny his compassion with a slew of profanities. So he stands and stares, helpless and miserable himself.

Rey can not look at him any longer. "How long have I been here?"

"Two days."

"I received quite a hit to the head then."

Ben nods briskly. "Your vitals are strong, though. Your wounds recovering. You may be back on your feet tomorrow if you feel no more dizziness."

"And what does that mean? I'm assuming I may not leave."

"No, it does not." He pauses for a second, debates his next words. "Lord Snoke has requested your audience."

"Requested?" Rey snarks, even as fear stabs at her.

"Ordered then," Ben huffs. "When you are recovered, that is."

"Which you tell me should be tomorrow."

"…yes."

"Well then, how can I refuse?"

"Rey, please, he is not to be trifled with. Do not speak to him as you do me. Or anyone, for that matter."

"I will speak to him how I wish. He has earned no respect from me. Not even a bit of decency."

"Rey," Ben growls, taking a step forward. "I do not ask this lightly. Please-"

"You have earned no respect for me either," She sniffs. "So do not implore me to do anything."

"He is a cruel man-"

"And yet you pledge your allegiance to him. Your loyalty above your family and all others."

His hands curl into fists. "Do not make it sound like such an easy matter."

"And yet it is, isn't? At the end of the day? You are with him and not us. What will you do, Ben, when he calls for my head?"

His eyes widen. "It will not come to that. You-"

"Are the light," Rey interjects. "And you the dark. Snoke believes in the prophecy, does he not? If he can not turn me, then I am an enemy. The person standing in his way- _your_ way-from victory. I am a threat that must be taken care of. You know this."

"Rey, please, do not do this."

She will not turn. Rye knows this, and so does Ben. And because of that, she has already assured her death. Tomorrow will not be a conversation with Snoke, it will be an execution. How quickly it came to this. Rey feels as if the war had just barely begun. For her, at least. And now here she was, courting her death. Her most certain death. And Ben was going to deliver her right into its dark hands.

How she would fix her mistakes. Avoiding her family, Finn, and to afraid to take chances with Poe. Too angry with Ben to find some kind of peace between. Too in love with him yet equally infuriated with him.

And now he stands before her, a man of immeasurable size and power, and unable to achieve what he wants.

So close, and yet so far.

"This will be the last time we're alone, then?" Rey asks, suddenly tired. This is it. The end. The realization is not like a cold bucket of water thrown over her head. Rather, it is her slowly entering a hot spring, the water lapping at her, consuming her inch by inch. A slow descent, one of her own making. Soon the water will be over her head. "My last bit of freedom? Of life?"

Ben falls to his knees, and he is so tall that the bed does not tower over him. He still can see her, reach forward and grab her hand. She is too defeated to pull it away from him. "It doesn't have to be," He all but begs. "Please Rey, see reason."

"I would beg you for the same."

"Your life means so little to you?"

"That I would condemn it to a life of darkness? No, it means much more to me than that."

His hand squeezes her own. "Rey, do not ask me to watch you die tomorrow."

"I do not."

"Then stop this madness."

"I can not."

"Rey," Ben sighs. His head inches closer. "You know I love you. You know I do not want this."

"I don't know what you want anymore, Ben."

"You, I have always wanted you."

Rey stares at him sadly. She pities him, in this moment, perhaps more than herself. For what he has become. For what he can no longer fight back. For the regret of what their life together has been. What it could have been. "If only you said such things to me before this."

"I say them now, is that not enough?"

"No, Ben, it is not."

"Rey," He raises her hand, kisses her knuckles fiercely. "Rey, please-"

"I have made my choice. I will not bow to Snoke, and when I do not, you will watch the woman you love die. That is what you have chosen."

" _No,_ never, Rey-"

"Leave me now."

"Rey-"

" _Go_!" She cries. "Get out!"

She screams so loud, sobs so violently, that he does as he's told. Ben stumbles away from her, back to the door, his eyes begging for differently. Tears flow just as hotly down his face.

But Rey doesn't call him back. She watches him go through the door and disappear behind it. And then she sobs.

She sobs till she passes out.


End file.
